Monthly Archives: December 2021

2021: A year Love, Labour and Loss

The Free Press Journal, , , ,

Love is a mystery. Love is unitive. Love is how we connect as human beings with one another and with the whole universe together. Love is how we learn, become better, and make the world a better place to live for us and others. Love needs freedom to breathe, equality to thrive, and openness to flow and grow. Love is personal, political, philosophical, sexual, social, historical, metaphysical, transcendental, et al. Sadly, we have only one word to describe such a complex emotion. The ancient Greeks had six different words, but even that’s not enough. 2021 taught me new ways to describe the complexity of love and its various hues. Love lost on many counts, but it miraculously sprang on a few occasions like a phoenix. My LOVE vocabulary was defined and redefined by people who touched my life one way or another this year.

shillpi a singh

LOVE IS INTIMATE: Intimacy coaches

The rules of engagement in modern relationships have changed over the years, comments Pallavi Barnwal, certified sexuality coach, and founder of GetIntimacy.com, listing out the changes, one by one. 

She observes how love is aided by technology; people find their partners or connect to them on a dating app, or through social media. The age of getting married has increased (which means the first relationship is not always the last one and people have more than one past relationship before they get married. Technology has spoilt people for choice and the days are engulfed around technology but at the same time of energy of technology (fast, quick, solution-oriented) does not match the energy of love which is (slow, gradual, mystical). People are socially distanced from extended family networks, and although they might have broad swathes of followers and social media friends, the reality is that is lonelier than ever. In this realm, their expectations and demands from their marriages and partners have drastically increased. New relationship models are emerging – single-parent families, live-in relationships, gay couples, divorce because of emotional/ sexual compatibility. People are looking towards sex not just as a form of making babies, or intimacy but also as a source of pleasure. They are looking towards sex not just as a form of making babies, or intimacy but also as a source of pleasure; they don’t mind are experimenting with sex toys, watching adult movies on Netflix, trying out kink partners in onlyfans, exploring cuckoldry, threesomes, etc. 

New Delhi-based Barnwal states how the emerging era of modern love and sex is a completely different paradigm. “To be able to deal with it and get what we want needs totally different skills. One we have not learned in our parent families, since that relationship model was based on meeting needs, setting family, and raising kids. But we are spoilt for choice and because of a rising emphasis on “self” or the “individual” we feel entitled to our wants and also have a ‘more’ mindset when it comes to Love and Sex.” 

LOVE IS INTIMACY
The article was published in The Free Press Journal on December 26, 2021.
https://www.freepressjournal.in/featured-blog/up-close-and-personal-heard-of-intimacy-coaches-heres-what-they-do-and-when-to-seek-their-help

Mr and Mrs Malhotra, a happily married couple on (role play), who deep down were broken, shattered and looking for ways to walk out on each other because their sex life was in a mess. In the nick of time, the couple went through a series of sessions. In their first session together as a couple, the intimacy coach got hold of the issue between the two. “She helped me communicate with my husband in a positive manner. Earlier I would whine and complain but wasn’t clear in my expectations. The next six sessions were with two of us individually where the coach helped us understand each other and our needs better. She empowered us to learn ways of positive and non-violent communication and helped us to understand what the other partner was going through and what are the challenges both of us are facing with one another,” recounts Mrs Malhotra. 

The couple also received home works and assignments that they had to practice during the week before the next session. The last two sessions were together as a couple where they communicated with each other, planned on how to work together as a couple with respect and empathy. “We are now on a nurture program where we meet the counsellor once a month to go through any current challenges and find solutions to them,” says Mr Malhotra.

Role of an intimacy coach

The growing bitterness in modern relationships and the subsequent incapability to express one’s desires has led to a growing need for an intimacy coach. Malhotra couple’s intimacy coach, Niyatii N Shah worked on building their love languages, admiration, gratitude and forgiveness. Talking about her role, Mumbai-based Shah adds how she doubles up as a counsellor, psychologist or sex educator and intimacy coach to work with couples and help them build or revive intimacy in their relationship. 

Niyatii N Shah
Pallavi Barnwal
Shivanya Yogmayaa

A trained sex educator and sex coach, Barnwal is currently practising as a sexual wellness coach where her work involves conducting assessments (verbal, written) to understand the client issue, history taking, assisting the client with the right information around sex, and recommending activities and exercises to have a healthy sexuality. “The actual work involves a lot of nitty-gritty. My work also involves a blend of mythology and sexuality, where I share mythological stories, and Kamasutra retelling because, in essence, it is a guidebook for a healthy marriage where Kama – sexual desire is one of the significant sections of the book,” says Barnwal.

On the other hand, Bengaluru-based relationship and intimacy coach Shivanya Yogmayaa’s clientele includes people who are suffering from issues with sexual intimacy, emotional disconnect with their partner, and need help in sexual behaviour and sexual orientation issues. She uses holistic psychological and practical approaches to resolve issues between couples. “I believe in when a person heals, relationship heals. I help couples to deepen the connections between themselves and everyone else around. I also guide people to achieve more confident and satisfying lives.”

As Mr and Mrs Das recount how they had worked with a few therapists and relationship counsellors across the world in the past before they stumbled upon Shivanya. “No one has been able to bring the breakthroughs in our relationship the way Shivanya has. We have had long-standing intimacy issues over our 15-year-old relationship and were getting close to calling the marriage off when we reached out to an intimacy coach. With every session, she intuitively and carefully helped us see each other’s perspectives and gave us practical tools and guidance to begin building our intimacy in a way that feels authentic to each of us,” says the Das couple, recounting their experience with intimacy coaching sessions that empowered them to understand and articulate their needs better. 

Shah agrees that most couples experience love and attraction in their early relationship and after a few years their responsibility and social expectations rip off the bonds, and the first casualty is their intimate relationship. “Our aim is to provide support and enhance the internal resources so that the couple can make amends in their lives. We support and help the couple find new possibilities and alternative solutions while observing professional boundaries and absolute confidentiality,” she emphasises.

On the need for conversation

Barnwal adds how with the information age, and rising incomes, and a metro lifestyle, people become more familiar with sexual pleasure. “This awareness was steered by a handful of sex educators who started breaking the taboos by initiating conversations and spreading knowledge around sex. I talk about sexual communication, sex personality, kink, sexual problems, dating, and sexual pleasure. Because there had been an acute dearth of information around these subjects, the content came as a breath of fresh air,” says Barnwal, who has set up a community of over 50,000 people overall where they reach out with their problems, hopes, and queries. 

Working as an intimacy coach is not an easy task. Explaining how she does what she does, Shah says, “It takes a series of sessions to work with the couple on understanding the challenges and obstacles that the couple is facing, exploring practical solutions for their relationship issues and then deepening their connection, emotionally, mentally and physically so that they can communicate their needs and preferences lovingly with each other.” Most coaches take independent sessions or have packages as per the client’s case.

It is a niche category of coaching, and people who have warmed up to the idea include a minuscule percentage in comparison to those who actually need intimacy coaching. “Unfortunately, sex coaching or sex counselling is a non-existent field in India. Here we have sexology which is more about a clinical treatment for physiological, biological disorders around sex. But as you see a lot of these stories are not about any biological problem, it is a lifestyle, relationship, and psychological issue. The taboo around sex is so huge that many mental health professionals are either not trained on this or are reluctant to even broach this subject,” says Barnwal recounting horrors of client stories where they were advised by other professionals to “just do it” or worse even “watch porn to get in the mood” which according to her is a typical response but lacks professional oversight.

Most couples-in-trouble over intimacy issues aren’t even aware that there’s someone like an intimacy coach who can help them sail through the crisis and save their relationship. “A little awareness shared on social media is helping people to know there are ways to solve their relationship issues. Seeking professional help for intimacy is still a taboo and there’s a lot of hesitancy still,” observes Shah.  

Shivanya couldn’t agree more with Barnwal and Shah. “Intimacy coaching is yet to pick up in the Indian context. People prefer secrecy and lack the courage to open up in what they see as a private matter. But they fail to understand is that this private matter is the foundation of their marriage,” she says. Another issue that Barnwal highlights is how most people expect overnight results in coaching which is not possible. “Considering our heavy puritanical past and the sexual stigma deep-seated in our family structures, social fabric, and our psyche, creating awareness around sex education is a mammoth task,” she stresses.

It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy;—it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others.

jane austen

2021: A year of Love, Labour and Loss

People,

Love is a mystery. Love is unitive. Love is how we connect as human beings with one another and with the whole universe together. Love is how we learn, become better, and make the world a better place to live for us and others. Love needs freedom to breathe, equality to thrive, and openness to flow and grow. Love is personal, political, philosophical, sexual, social, historical, metaphysical, transcendental, et al. Sadly, we have only one word to describe such a complex emotion. The ancient Greeks had six different words, but even that’s not enough. 2021 taught me new ways to describe the complexity of love and its various hues. Love lost on many counts, but it miraculously sprang on a few occasions like a phoenix. My LOVE vocabulary was defined and redefined by people who touched my life one way or another this year.

shillpi a singh

LOVE IS FRIENDSHIP: Aashish Juyal

… a letter for my dearest friend, Aashish
वो कह के चले इतनी मुलाक़ात बहुत है
मैंने कहा रुक जाओ अभी रात बहुत है
LOVE IS FRIENDSHIP: Aashish Juyal

प्रिय आशीष,
बचपन में तुम्हारी शैतानियाँ। लड़कपन में तुम्हारी इश्क़ की कहानियाँ। और फिर जवानी में तुम्हारे हाथ की बनी मिठाइयाँ। आज बहुत याद आ रही है तुम्हारी, दोस्त ।
पिछले कुछ सालों में आदत सी हो गयी थी तुम्हारी बतकही की। चाहे तुम कितना भी व्यस्त रहते थे, चाहे दुनिया के किसी भी कोने में होते थे, पर हर दूसरे दिन एक बार फ़ोन खटका ही दिया करते थे, कभी हाल-चाल जानने के लिए, कभी कुछ बताने के लिए, कभी अपना दिल हलका करने के लिए और कभी मेरी बेवजह वाली बकवास सुनने के लिए । तुम्हारे इंडिया लौट आने के बाद तुमसे हर अगले दिन बात हो जाया करती थी।और बातें भी क्या हुआ करती थी बस यूँ ही इधर-उधर की बकर, बेवजह की हंसी-ठिठोली और कुछ दूर एक साथ बचपन के शहर की यादों में खो जाना। बहुत अच्छा लगता था । आज फिर तुम्हारी कमी बहुत ज्यादा महसूस हो रही है क्यूंकि तुम्हारे जैसा और कोई नहीं था और न होगा, आशीष।
तुमने उस दिन (चार अप्रैल) को कितनी बड़ी धमकी दी थी मुझे, याद है तुम्हें? “अगर आज तू मुझसे मिलने सोहना नहीं आयी तो मैं तुझसे ज़िन्दगी भर फिर कभी बात नहीं करूँगा! याद रखना, शिल्पीजी (इस नाम से सिर्फ तुम ही बुलाते थे मुझे)।” तुम और तुम्हारी इमोशनल ब्लैकमेलिंग ! इनके सामने मेरी क्या बिसात। दिन के बारह बजे थे और फ़ोन पर तुम्हारी धमकी सुनकर मेरे दिल में बारह बज गए। फिर क्या था। तुमसे फिर कभी न बात करने से बड़ी और कोई सज़ा नहीं हो सकती है मेरे लिए, मेरे दोस्त। तुम्हें फ़ोन कर बता दिया कि हम सब आ रहे हैं। तुरंत बच्चों को तैयार करवा कर हम सपरिवार तुम्हारे आदेशानुसार सोहना के लिए रवाना हो गए। तब तक दोपहर के दो बज गए थे। दूरी बहुत ज्यादा थी। तुम हर दस मिनट के बाद पूछ रहे थे, “अब कहाँ?” “और कितनी दूर?” “कब पहुँचोगी?” आज सब कुछ बहुत याद आ रहा है।
पौने चार बज गए थे हमें सोहना पहुँचते-पहुँचते और हम चारों को वहां देख तुम कितने खुश हुए जैसे एक रूठे हुए बच्चे के हाथ में उसकी प्यारी चॉकलेट थमा दी हो किसी ने और उसे पा कर उस बच्चे की बांझे खिल गयी हो। तुमने दोनों बच्चों कि जिम्मेदारी मेरे हाथों से ले ली और मुझे हिदायत दी, “अब तू सिर्फ रिलैक्स कर। यहाँ बैठ, और सिर्फ खा-पी।” शायद यह कह कर तुम मुझे आने वाले तूफ़ान से जूझने के लिए तैयार कर रहे थे। तुम्हारे साथ बच्चों ने खूब मस्ती की। आज भी उन्हें तुम बहुत याद आते हो। तुमने उन्हें चॉपस्टिक से नूडल्स खाना सिखाया और यह शायद उनके लिए एक अनमोल सीख है। और हमेशा रहेगी।
हम तुम फिर यूँ ही शाम की हलकी धूप में बैठकर हमेशा की तरह फिर से बकर करने में जुट गए। कितने देर तक यूँ ही बैठे रहे। तुमने मेरी वाली कड़क चाय बनवाई और प्यार से एक नहीं दो कप मेरे लिए मंगवाई।वह शाम, तुम और तुम्हारी बातें आज बहुत याद आ रही हैं।

दीवार पर एक काली छिपकली देख कर तुमने हाउसकीपिंग वाले बन्दे को बुला कर खूब डांटा और शायद उसके आने से पहले तुम्हारे गुस्से से डर कर वह छिपकली तुरंत गायब भी हो गयी थी । मैंने हंस कर तुम्हें बताया कि दो दिन पहले मुझे और अजय को सपने में छिपकली खुद पर रेंगती दिखी थी। तुम भी हंस कर बोले, “और तू डर गयी?” मैंने कहा, “नहीं, पर कहते हैं कि ऐसा सपना देखने से इंसान की जान को खतरा होता है।” तुम और जोर से हंस कर मेरी खिल्ली उड़ाने लग गए।
बात आयी गयी कर तुम हमें पूल के पास ले गए। दिन खत्म होने को था पर तुम्हारी कहानियाँ खत्म होने का नाम ही नहीं ले रही थी। बचपन-जवानी-बुढ़ापा (क्यूंकि हम और तुम हमेशा एक-दुसरे से यह कह कर अपनी ४०+ उम्र का मजाक उड़ाते थे) तुमने मुझे तीनों पड़ावों के बहुत सारे किस्से सुनाये थे उस दिन । आज भी सब कुछ याद है।
बातों-बातों में तुमने अपने युवा सहकर्मी की कुछ दिन पहले (ग्यारह मार्च) को सड़क दुर्घटना में हुई मौत के बारे में बताया। तुम उसके अचानक यूँ ही चले जाने से बहुत दुखी थे। यह कहते-कहते तुम्हारी बड़ी-बड़ी भूरी आखें आंसुओं से भर कर धुंधली हो गयीं थी । आंसुओं को तो तुमने किसी तरह रोक लिया पर तब तक तुम्हारी आवाज ने धोखा दे दिया। उस सहकर्मी के पार्थिव शरीर को देख कर उसकी माँ की हालत बताते हुए तुम जैसे फिर से टूट गए थे। ऐसा लग रहा था कि तुम्हें यकीन नहीं हो रहा था कि वो अब फिर कभी लौट कर नहीं आएगा। तुम्हें क्या पता था कि आज मेरी भी वही हालत है।
शाम हो चली थी। हमने भी तुमसे घर जाने की अनुमति मांगी। तुमने साथ में मेरा वाला चॉकलेट केक, मिठाइयों का डिब्बा और मीठी यादों के साथ हमें विदा किया।आखरी बातचीत में साथ में ऋषिकेश जाना तय हुआ था।इस बात पर तुमने कहा था, “पक्का, पक्का।” याद है न, तुम्हें? पर तुम तो अकेले ही चले गए। तुम्हें शायद अनहोनी का पूर्वाभास हो गया था पर मुझे तो अभी भी यकीन नहीं हुआ है तुम्हारे नहीं होने का।
अगले दिन तुमने शाम को पांच बजे के करीब फ़ोन कर पूछा, “तू रिलैक्स हुई। आजा फिर। बच्चों की चिंता मत कर। मैं उनकी देखभाल कर लूँगा। तू सिर्फ अपना ख्याल रख। बस खुश रह।” मैंने कहा, “अरे, कल ही तो आई थी सोहना। अब कल फिर आ जाऊँ?” हम-तुम यूँही फिर थोड़ी देर बकर करते रहे और जल्दी मिलने का वादा करके फ़ोन रख दिया। बस शायद यह पूर्णविराम था। मेरे और तुम्हारे लिए।
उसी हफ़्ते हम-तुम बीमार पड़े। दिव्या को मैंने अचानक आठ तारीख को फ़ोन किया तो तुम्हारी तबियत के बारे में मालूम हुआ। ऐसा हमेशा होता था कि जब भी तुमसे बात नहीं हो पाती थी तो उससे तुम्हारा हाल-चाल पूछ लिया करते थे। पर उस दिन क्यों तुम्हें नहीं पर उसे फ़ोन लगाया यह समझ नहीं आया। तुम्हारी तरह, तब तक हम भी सपरिवार बुख़ार कि चपेट में आ गए थे। फिर दस तारीख को दिव्या से यह पता चला कि तुम्हारा कोविड टेस्ट नेगेटिव है तो बहुत राहत मिली। पर यह फाल्स नेगेटिव था। हमने तब तक टेस्ट नहीं करवाया था। ग्यारह को रविवार होने कि वजह से गुरुग्राम में सभी लैब बंद थे तो हम सपरिवार बारह तारीख को टेस्ट करवाने गए।


वहां से वापस घर पहुंचे ही थे कि दिव्या का कॉल आया। पर कॉल मिस हो गया। तब तक दोस्तों के मेसेजस आने लगे। पर यकीन नहीं हुआ। तुम चले गए थे। दूर, बहुत दूर। अपना वादा तोड़ कर। दिव्या, अभिनव और अर्णव, मीनू को अकेला छोड़ कर। तुमने कहा था कि अगर मैं तुमसे मिलने नहीं आई तो तुम मुझसे बात नहीं करोगे पर मैं मिलने तो आई थी उस दिन पर तब भी तुम मुझसे अब कभी बात नहीं करोगे। ऐसा कोई करता है क्या, दोस्त? मुझे इतनी बड़ी सजा दे दी ? क्यों?
तुम्हारी याद में,
शिल्पी

LOVE IS FRIENDSHIP: Aashish Juyal

(वर्तनी और व्याकरण की गलतियों के लिए मैं क्षमाप्रार्थी हूं)

“I dreamt we walked together along the shore. We made satisfying small talk and laughed. This morning I found sand in my shoe and a seashell in my pocket. Was I only dreaming?”

Maya Angelou

2021: A year of Love, Labour and Loss

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Love is a mystery. Love is unitive. Love is how we connect as human beings with one another and with the whole universe together. Love is how we learn, become better, and make the world a better place to live for us and others. Love needs freedom to breathe, equality to thrive, and openness to flow and grow. Love is personal, political, philosophical, sexual, social, historical, metaphysical, transcendental, et al. Sadly, we have only one word to describe such a complex emotion. The ancient Greeks had six different words, but even that’s not enough. 2021 taught me new ways to describe the complexity of love and its various hues. Love lost on many counts, but it miraculously sprang on a few occasions like a phoenix. My LOVE vocabulary was defined and redefined by people who touched my life one way or another this year.

shillpi a singh

LOVE IS MISCHIEF: Cheetpatakadumpa

Three friends — Teja (Bhumika Dube), Santo (Ipshita Chakraborty Singh) and Tamanna (Annapurna Soni) — from small-town India meet at an upmarket mall, and from there, take the audience on a pillion ride into the world of female desire on a full moon night.

A tightly-knit storyline has the trio exploring the idea of women loving their bodies by taking matters into their hands, quite literally. Two of the actors — Bhumika and Ipshita — have co-written the script with filmmaker Devashish Makhija, and it reflects in their combined gaze on the subject. The off-screen camaraderie of the trio, all alumni of the National School of Drama with a solid body of work in theatre, makes them shine in this short. Sharp dialogues, clever camera work, and tight editing give the not-so-openly-spoken topic in Hindi cinema, ample space to stretch itself to the imagination. 

LOVE IS MISCHIEF: Santo (Ipshita Chakraborty Singh) in Cheepatakadumpa

The opening scene is a good starter. Teja owns her sexuality and unabashedly. That unbelievable power of ownership leads the audience to the unchartered territory of female desire, and Santo as the woman who fantasises about having sex with a married man under full moon’s gaze that night, ably takes the plot further.

LOVE IS MISCHIEF: Teja (Bhumika Dube) in Cheepatakadumpa

In between, the duo leads married but yet uninitiated Tamanna to experience that elusive pleasure for the first time. The transition from organ to orgasm is organic. The result is an ecstatic high. Bishna Chouhan adds zealously to keep the spark alive with her deadpan expression.  

The last scene pans out in the open and broad daylight, letting the audience experience the freaky idea of femaleness, of women seeking pleasure and owning their sexuality through the deft approach of a man and two women to this taboo subject. The scene is liberating. Together, all of them have treaded the thin line, carefully manoeuvring the plot and keeping it on track without being preachy or voyeuristic, and that’s quite a feat to say it all in barely 23 minutes. 

LOVE IS MISCHIEF: Tamanna (Annapurna Soni) in Cheepatakadumpa

Makhija uses the mobile camera, fiddles with aspect ratio, cramps the actor in small spaces and lets the camera focus on their quirky expressions, movements and gestures as they go about exploring their femaleness in this short film currently playing at the Dharamshala International Film Festival.   

Cheepatakadumpa questions the double standards regarding sexuality — a rule for a man, an exception for a woman — subtly by letting the female protagonists explore the idea that there’s nothing wrong in seeking pleasure. It is in their hands, after all.

LOVE IS MISCHIEF: Cheepatakadumpa

(All pics courtesy https://makhijafilm.com/) 

One mischief always introduces another.

Daniel Defoe

2021: A year of Love, Labour and Loss

People, , , , , , , , , , ,

Love is a mystery. Love is unitive. Love is how we connect as human beings with one another and with the whole universe together. Love is how we learn, become better, and make the world a better place to live for us and others. Love needs freedom to breathe, equality to thrive, and openness to flow and grow. Love is personal, political, philosophical, sexual, social, historical, metaphysical, transcendental, et al. Sadly, we have only one word to describe such a complex emotion. The ancient Greeks had six different words, but even that’s not enough. 2021 taught me new ways to describe the complexity of love and its various hues. Love lost on many counts, but it miraculously sprang on a few occasions like a phoenix. My LOVE vocabulary was defined and redefined by people who touched my life one way or another this year.

shillpi a singh

LOVE IS GRATITUDE: Ravi Sahani

… a feeling of thankful appreciation for the favors received from the Universe.

प्रिय दोस्तों
वो दिन हमारी ज़िंदगी के सबसे कठिन दिनों में से था। एक साथ घर के सात लोगों का बीमार हो जाना, बहुत ही कष्ट कारक और भयावह था। लेकिन हमलोगों ने मिलकर उसका मुक़ाबला किया, बिना डरे, पूरी हिम्मत के साथ। बीमारी के दरम्यान हमने कभी भी हिम्मत नहीं हारी, एक दूसरे के लिए हमेशा तैयार थे, किसी भी परिस्थिति से लड़ने के लिए।
उस वक़्त लहर अपनी चरम पर था, कभी टीवी देखने का मन होता तो, दो मिनट के अंदर ही उसे बंद कर देना पड़ता था, उस वक्त न्यूज़ चैनलों पर कुछ भी ऐसा नहीं दिखता था जो अंदर से आपको मजबूत करता हो उस बीमारी से लड़ने के लिए, जब भी टीवी चलाओ तो सिर्फ हाहाकार ही सुनाई देती थी, हमने दो महीने तक फिर दुबारा न्यूज़ चैनलों को देखा ही नहीं।
हमने तय किया था कि, हमलोग हॉस्पिटल नहीं जायेंगे, लगभग रोज़ डॉक्टर से ऑनलाइन बात होती थी और डॉक्टरों के परामर्श के अनुसार हम अपनी दवाईयाँ लेते थे। मेरे घर में सबसे बाद में मुझे इंफेक्शन हुआ था और घर के सभी लोगों से ज़्यादा इंफेक्शन मुझे था, रोज़ दस इंजेक्शन लगते थे, लीवर और लंग बुरी तरह इंफेक्टेड थे, अच्छी बात यह थी कि मेरा ऑक्सीजन लेवल कभी भी बहुत कम नहीं हुआ। अपनी बीमारी के दरम्यान मैंने हमेशा अपनी हिम्मत को बनाये रखा, और घर के बाकी लोगों को भी ढाढ़स और हिम्मत देता रहता था।
पर एक बात थी जो मुझे बहुत चिंतित कर रही थी, वह थी बहुत ही ख़राब हो चुकी मेरी आर्थिक स्थिति, बैंक के पैसे तो कब के खत्म हो चुके थे, अब सारी दवाईयाँ क्रेडिट कार्ड से आ रहे थे, डॉक्टरों, कंपाउंडर और बाकि खर्चों का भुगतान भी क्रेडिट कार्ड से ही किया जा रहा था, पर दवाईयाँ और इंजेक्शन इतने महँगे थे कि मेरे कार्ड का क्रेडिट लिमिट भी बस 1-2 दिन में ख़त्म होने वाला था, मुझे समझ नहीं आ रहा था कि अब ख़र्च कैसे चलेगा। किसी से उधार माँगने में भी बहुत संकोच हो रहा था, क्योंकि लगभग हर घर में कोई न कोई बीमार था।

LOVE IS GRATITUDE: Ravi Sahani

मैंने अपनी दोस्त को फ़ोन किया, हालचाल पूछा तो पता चला वह चारों लोग भी इंफेक्टेड हो गए थे, और उसके पति तो बहुत ज़्यादा बीमार थे और हॉस्पिटल में भर्ती थे, तसल्ली की बात थी कि नेगेटिव होने के बाद उस समय घर आ गए थे। दोनों बेटियाँ और ख़ुद मेरी दोस्त भी पहले से ठीक थी। मेरी दोस्त ने मेरे बारे में पूछा तुम कैसे हो, मैंने कहा ‘पॉजिटिव’ हूँ, फिर अपने और घर के बारे में बताया और अपनी आर्थिक स्थिति के बारे में भी।
मेरी दोस्त से मैंने पूछा कि क्या ये संभव है कि क्राउड फंडिंग से मुझे बिना ब्याज के कुछ रुपये मिल सकते हैं जिसे मैं बाद में वापस कर सकूँ जब मेरे पास रुपये आ जाएँ, क्योंकि इलाज के लिए ख़र्च में अब दिक्कत आने लगी है ?
22 मई की शाम को हमारी यह बात हो रही थी, मेरी दोस्त ने कहा मैं देखती हूँ क्या हो सकता है, 23 मई की सुबह मेरी दोस्त का कॉल आया कि उसने अपने कुछ मित्रों से मेरे बारे में बात की है और उन्होंने मेरी सहायता के लिए ट्विटर पर पोस्ट डाला है, कुछ लोगों ने तुम्हारा एकाउंट डिटेल्स मांगा है, कुछ लोगों ने फण्ड रेजिंग प्लेटफार्म पर कैम्पेन बनाने की भी सलाह दी है।

फिर करीब दिन के एक बजे मेरी दोस्त का व्हाट्सएप पर मैसेज आया कि मैंने ketto पर तुम्हारा एक फण्ड रेजिंग कैम्पेन बना दिया है तुम देख लो। मेरी दोस्त ने मेरे लिए ढाई लाख रुपयों के लिए फण्ड रेजिंग कैम्पेन बनाया था, जब मैंने ketto पे लॉगिन किया तब तक लोगों ने कुछ रुपये भेज भी दिए थे, ट्विटर पर मेरे क्राउड फंडिंग को ज़्यादा से ज़्यादा लोगों तक पहुँचाने का जिम्मा मेरी दोस्त के अलावा जिन लोगों ने उठाया था उसमें सबसे आगे थे मयंक अग्रवाल और मेरे मित्र रितेश उत्तमचंदानी, रितेश तो मेरे पुराने मित्र हैं पर मयंक को मैं बिल्कुल नहीं जानता था, दरअसल मयंक मेरी दोस्त के मित्र हैं पर मयंक ने हमसे किसी जान पहचान के जो किया वह अपने आप में अद्भुत था। मेरा कैम्पेन दिन के एक बजे शुरू हुआ था और दिन के साढ़े तीन बजे तक कैम्पेन में डेढ़ लाख आ गए थे, लोगों का प्यार और सहयोग देखकर मुझे रोना आ रहा था। लोग ketto के अलावा मेरे एकाउंट में सीधे भी रुपये भेज रहे थे, मेरी दोस्त की दोस्त चित्रा सुब्रमण्यम जी ने तो ketto के अलावा मेरे एकाउंट में सीधे भी रुपये भेज दिए। मित्रों और शुभचिंतकों के प्यार की वजह से मेरे कैम्पेन में मात्र 11 घंटों के भीतर ढाई लाख एक सौ रुपये आ चुके थे, मैं हैरान था लोगों का प्यार और सहयोग देखकर, मुझे यक़ीन ही नहीं हो रहा था कि यह सब सिर्फ़ ग्यारह घंटे में हो गया है। यह सब संभव हो पाया क्योंकि अभी भी लोगों के अंदर दूसरों की मदद करने की भावनाएं जिंदा हैं, लोग अगर आर्थिक रूप से सक्षम हैं लोगों की मदद करने के लिए तो वह दिल से लोगों की मदद करते हैं चाहे वह उसको जानते हो या नहीं।

मैं यह बात इसलिए कह रहा हूँ क्योंकि मेरे डोनर्स में आधे से ज़्यादा ऐसे लोग थे जिनको मैं जानता भी नहीं था, ना तब और ना अब जान पाया हूँ क्योंकि उन लोगों ने बिना नाम बताए मेरी और मेरे परिवार की मदद की है, उन अनाम फरिश्तों को मेरा सलाम। बाकि जिनको मैं नाम से या व्यक्तिगत रूप से जानता हूँ उनको तो मैंने व्यक्तिगत शुक्रिया और आभार प्रेषित किया है पर उन अंजान शुभचिंतकों को विशेष रूप से धन्यवाद कहना चाहता हूँ। मैं बहुत भाग्यशाली हूँ कि मुझे लोगों का इतना प्यार मिला, मैं अचंभित था कि सहयोग करने वालों में ऐसे लोग भी थे जिनसे मिले, बातें किए हुए 10 साल या उससे ज़्यादा भी हो गए थे, कुछ तो पुराने सहकर्मी थे, तो कुछ अपनी फोटोग्राफर और जॉर्नलिस्ट बिरादरी के मित्र थे, जिनसे मिले जमाना हो गया था, पर जब मेरी बीमारी के बारे में पता चला तो उन्होंने आगे बढ़ कर मेरा हौसला बढ़ाया और मेरी मदद की, उनके लिए कोई शब्द नहीं है मेरे पास, बस इतना कहना चाहता हूँ शुक्रिया दोस्तों आप सब ने मुझे तब भी याद रखा जब मैं ख़ुद को भुलाने लगा था। आप लोगों का प्यार मेरे लिए एक करिश्मे की तरह है।
शुक्रिया।
रवि

Gratitude is the memory of the heart.

2021: A year of Love, Labour and Loss

People, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Love is a mystery. Love is unitive. Love is how we connect as human beings with one another and with the whole universe together. Love is how we learn, become better, and make the world a better place to live for us and others. Love needs freedom to breathe, equality to thrive, and openness to flow and grow. Love is personal, political, philosophical, sexual, social, historical, metaphysical, transcendental, et al. Sadly, we have only one word to describe such a complex emotion. The ancient Greeks had six different words, but even that’s not enough. 2021 taught me new ways to describe the complexity of love and its various hues. Love lost on many counts, but it miraculously sprang on a few occasions like a phoenix. My LOVE vocabulary was defined and redefined by people who touched my life one way or another this year.

shillpi a singh

LOVE IS GIVING: The Gift

LOVE IS GIVING: The Gift

Producer-director Suman Bhattacharya’s debut movie, The Gift, is a short, simple and beautiful present. It has the quintessential O Henryesque flavour in its tone and tenor. Unlike a toffee or chocolate, The Gift does not come clothed in a fancy wrapper. Unlike other presents that give temporary contentment, this one is an emotion and provides deep satisfaction. The power of unconditional love. The power of selfless giving. The audience needs to peel off the various layers to see the real Gift here, and that’s a clever task by the debutant director.

The endearing film opens with the morning hustle-bustle of a busy metropolis, Kolkata. The city and its milieu, its daily grind, the mad rush to make a living, and in the process, forgetting how to live and choosing just to exist. That’s the bane of our being. The dull and insignificant events that happen in a day flow with clockwork precision but hardly matter to us in the larger scheme of things. They only make us more indifferent and disconnected from ourselves and each other. Nothing really tugs at one’s heartstrings. Nothing seems to matter anymore.

LOVE IS GIVING: The Gift

The camera takes us through the mundane life of urban residents until the day draws to an end, and a dog sleeping on the pavement conveys the subtlety of this profound statement. The subtle notes of the sitar playing in the background make the story’s plot music to one’s ears.

The narrator leads the audience into another day, but it comes covered in myriad human emotions that unfold, scene by scene, and by the end, the audience finally gets to unwrap the gift they had waited for all along.
The ten something girl comes with her father to an upmarket bakery to buy a birthday cake but realises that these things are way beyond their means. Her father makes up for it, but without compromising on his self-respect. Just when we had lost everything that we thought there was to lose, and everything seemed dark and gloomy, the father-daughter duo came along and gave us something for free. It is the greatest gift one can ever give another person (here, the uber-rich woman who comes to the cafe and orders chicken quiche and hazelnut cappuccino, and also the audience), and that is one’s happiness. Remember the smiley chocolate? The girl gives it away, quite literally and also metaphorically.

LOVE IS GIVING: The Gift

The little girl’s generous heart is open. It is always ready to give even things that it can’t afford. She doesn’t belong but offers the most precious gift — the experience of knowing that we always belong, somewhere, somehow, and to people who are special.

The narrator’s takeaway is also ours — never mind those failures till yesterday because each new day is a sequel of a beautiful life; gifted with hopes to succeed. The movie starring Adrija Chakraborty, Jayati Chakraborty and Ashok Majumder is all about unconditional love and selfless giving. There is also a not-so-obvious reference to The Gift of the Magi’s magical sentence, “Of all who give and receive gifts, such as they are wisest. Everywhere they are wisest.”

LOVE IS GIVING: The Gift

Like O Henry’s heartwarming story, The Gift of the Magi, Suman’s short film The Gift brings joy all along, much more than the material value of the onscreen exchange, and that’s what is a priceless gift for the audience too.
It is currently doing festival rounds and has had 18 screenings, seven awards and counting. The Gift’s next stop is the online International Kolkata Short Film Festival from January 22-29, 2022.

Gifts of the heart can’t be claimed by anyone except the giver.

Nicholas Sparks

2021: A year of Love, Labour and Loss

People, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Love is a mystery. Love is unitive. Love is how we connect as human beings with one another and with the whole universe together. Love is how we learn, become better, and make the world a better place to live for us and others. Love needs freedom to breathe, equality to thrive, and openness to flow and grow. Love is personal, political, philosophical, sexual, social, historical, metaphysical, transcendental, et al. Sadly, we have only one word to describe such a complex emotion. The ancient Greeks had six different words, but even that’s not enough. 2021 taught me new ways to describe the complexity of love and its various hues. Love lost on many counts, but it miraculously sprang on a few occasions like a phoenix. My LOVE vocabulary was defined and redefined by people who touched my life one way or another this year.

shillpi a singh

LOVE IS STORY: Jameel Gulrays

The human species thinks in metaphors and learns through stories, said American writer Mary Catherine Bateson, and Mumbai-based septuagenarian adman Jameel Gulrays couldn’t agree more with her. After spending more than five decades in the advertising world, working on popular brands, and teaching the nuances of this profession as a faculty member at leading institutions, Gulrays turned a new leaf and dedicated himself to work on his passion project – Katha Kathan. It was kindled by his earnest desire to preserve Urdu, and other Indian languages, promote and popularise them so that these aren’t reduced to mere dialects but live on to tell tales and regale the younger generations. He, along with his band of storytellers, has been pursuing the idea zealously since then.   

Early years

He was born with a silver spoon to Abid Gulrays in Bombay (as Mumbai was known then) on November 5, 1949. His father was multitalented – satirist, poet, and columnist par excellence – who also wrote songs for Hindi films in the 40s and 50s. Reminiscing his lyricist father, he says, “Surajmukhi released in 1950 had two memorable songs – suniye huzoor husn ka charcha na kijiye and husn ka guroor hai ye buri baat hai. The latter sung by Lata Mangeshkar was a blazing hit.” His father has 20 songs and ghazals to his credit as a lyricist. 

(from left to right) Abid Gulrays with Durga Khote, Ayaz Peerbhoy, and O.N. Verma, while recording a radio programme “Sanforized Ke Mehmaan”. 

At one point time, Abid Sahab was also associated with the newspaper, Inquilab. His satirical poems titled Baatein were a popular feature of the newspaper. He wrote these poems daily under the pseudonym, Cigarette Baaz. He also wrote a column, Tazyane, and it was so popular among the readers that many of them bought the newspaper just to read his piece. He used the pseudonym Phool Phenk, which came from Gulraiz. He wrote many columns under different names. He moved on from Inqilab to edit Mosavvir following a tiff with the management at the newspaper. Babu Rao Patel owned the publication Mosavvir, a popular film magazine, and at one point in time, it was edited by none other than Saadat Hasan Manto.

A poster of film Surajmukhi.

“I still fondly remember what he told me in my growing-up years, though I lost him quite early on at eight, these lessons have become the guiding principles of my life. He used to tell me that ‘should anyone move one step towards you, you should take ten steps forward and meet him/ her. If someone takes one step away, you move 10 miles away’. He always urged me to do my job without expecting anything in return, as expectations always hurt. Another invaluable lesson was around money. It is inconsequential, so don’t give importance to it; it can’t buy happiness.”    

But destiny had other plans. Gulrays’ father was fond of horse racing, and in one such race, he lost his entire fortune. He couldn’t cope with the humungous loss, and unable to bear it, he passed away soon after. It was the beginning of a long period of misery for the family. They were forced to move out of their plush bungalow in Mahim and settle in the predominantly Muslim locality, Bhendi Bazaar. The little boy was just eight then. Due to financial constraints, he was enrolled in an Urdu medium school – Bandra Urdu High School (now Bandra Urdu High School & Junior College Of Science, Commerce and MCVC). “In hindsight, I think, it was all a part of God’s plan. I loved reading Urdu and Persian literature during my early years in school and college, and these stories stayed on with me forever. Perhaps, I was destined to take on the arduous job of saving the language and its literature one day,” he says, with a deep sense of satisfaction.  

The badge of his Bandra Urdu High School carried three words – Azm (determination), Koshish (efforts) and Imaandari (honesty) and these values have stood him in good stead all through. 

Ad-ding on to life 

The loss of the breadwinner took a toll on his mother. She couldn’t live for long in penury, fell ill, and eventually passed away. “Her death shattered me completely as she was my biggest pillar of strength,” he says with moist eyes. His voice chokes on the mere mention of his parents, both of whom he lost early on in life. 

Gulrays shared his mother’s photo on her birth anniversary on June 6. She passed away when he was 18.

He was eighteen and barely in the first year of college then, but he had to fend for himself and also look after his family that included two younger brothers. He desperately started looking for a job to make ends meet. Circumstances forced him to leave his place in Bhendi Bazaar and relocate to a far-off suburb Malvani. “The nearest station was Naigaon, and I had to walk for an hour to take a local train. It was an underdeveloped area then, and hardly any buses used to ply there. Come rain or hail, I had no choice but to keep marching on, both literally and metaphorically,” he says. 

Advertising legend Ayaz Peerbhoy, who was his father’s friend, came forward to help and hired him for his agency. The remuneration was meagre, but it was something he badly needed, and he gladly took up this offer. In those days, the advertising world was dominated by English-speaking people, and anyone who didn’t know the language had little or no chance of survival. His ability not to give up came in handy and has stood him in good stead throughout. He not only learned English but mastered it. Later in his life, he set up an advertising agency and had the top-notch brand as his clients, and gave some memorable advertising campaigns in his five-decade-long career.

A new chapter 

He is an avid reader, and loves to spend hours immersed in the world of words. The library at his house in Khar, Mumbai, has an enviable collection of Urdu literature. One day, while sitting in his room, immersed in one of Manto’s stories, it dawned upon him that after his demise, his treasure trove will be in a shambles. “A raddi wala (ragpicker) will come and collect these books and sell it to a kabadi wala (junk dealer), who will sell it to vendors. Manto will be served on a plate of bhelpuri, Chugtai will be wrapped in paan, and Krishan Chander will be wrapped on vada pavs,” he rued. The thought shook him no end, and he decided to tell those tales, some well-known, others not so known, and many of them unheard, unread, and unknown, for the benefit of the younger generation. His passion for preserving Urdu and other Indian languages and the earnest desire to promote and popularise them for the younger generation led him to pursue the idea zealously. 

His undying love for stories that gave birth to Katha Kathan, a virtual repository of gems from Indian languages, relayed through his online social media channels on YouTube and Soundcloud – and relived through his offline storytelling sessions, a regular feature before the lockdown.  

A virtual Baithak with Team Katha Kathan in progress.

To start with, he started recording masterpieces from Urdu literature and releasing them on his YouTube channel. “One day, people might not be able to read these tales as they would no longer know the script. If these pieces are recorded and preserved, they would still be able to listen to them, whenever and wherever, and this, in a way, will preserve the treasure trove of stories for posterity,” he recounts. Initially, Gulrays thought of focussing only on Urdu literature, but once he exchanged the idea with others, he realised that the fate of other Indian languages is no different, so he widened his scope and included other “gems” of Indian literature, and featured stories in vernacular languages too.

Katha Kathan was started in 2015, and to date, he has recorded more than two thousand stories for his online platforms. It is a passion project funded by his selfless desire, and in all these six years, he has made humungous investments in terms of his money, time and energy, without taking a penny from any outsider. The growth and reach of the Katha Kathan project are purely organic, be it the views or the subscribers. The numbers only show the depth of his involvement and the widespread reach of his movement to keep Urdu and other Indian languages alive.  

Praiseworthy efforts

His honest endeavours have been suitably rewarded, and the former adman is now known as a connoisseur of the Urdu language, and his quintessential storytelling has won him many ardent fans and followers, and they range from celebrities to ordinary people. His popularity cuts across geographical, social, and linguistic barriers. People across the globe closely follow his work. Renowned actor Naseeruddin Shah has joined hands with him and is a regular in all Katha Kathan events. It is their shared love for Urdu that has kindled their camaraderie and friendship.  

Jameel Gulrays and actor Naseeruddin Shah pose against the Wall of Fame featuring literary giants from Urdu and other Indian languages. “Our relationship is based on mutual respect for each other’s work,” he says.

Sharing an anecdote, he says, “It so happened that I was recording Ismat Apa’s stories and releasing them on my YouTube channel, one after the other. I noticed that someone called Naseeruddin Shah would invariably comment and praise my work on these uploads. At first, I thought this must be some imposter. Why would someone of Naseeruddin Shah’s stature stop by at my YouTube channel, appreciate my work and care to comment? I wondered.” After the fifth story, he received a message that he (Naseeruddin) is coming to Delhi and would like to meet Gulrays. The actor thought that Gulrays is Delhi-based. Gulrays informed him that he lives in Mumbai, and they met, discussed the stories; Shah staged those as “Aurat, Aurat, Aurat,” and it was well-received by the audience. The actor, in his magnanimity, mentioned Gulrays’ name and his contribution in every interview that he gave after his play’s astounding success. “I sometimes wonder how come a genuine soul like him still exists in this world. He never declined his invite to any Katha Kathan show,” he says. Today, the actor is relearning Urdu, and calls Gulrays whenever he comes across a difficult word or sentence. Their relationship is based on mutual respect for each other’s work. “I have also benefited immensely from this partnership, and Naseeruddin Shah has always obliged my request for the interviews. Karwan-e-Mohabbat, with which I am associated, has gained a lot from these interviews,” he says.

Minding the language

These days, filmmaker Vishal Bharadwaj and his singer wife Rekha Bharadwaj are taking lessons in Ghalib from the connoisseur of the Urdu language. “There are two interesting anecdotes about Ghalib. One is that “if it wasn’t for many of Ghalib’s “shrah” (explanation of Ghalib by many scholars), he would have been very easy to understand. And the second one is that Ghalib is perhaps the only poet in the world whose work, if you can’t decipher, gives you double the pleasure,” says Gulrays. He thinks that if one has to understand Ghalib, one has to view his poetry through the prism of mysticism. “Ghalib himself declares in one of his couplets that he would have been considered a “Sufi” if it wasn’t for his drinking habits. Jameel insists that any effort to understand Ghalib must be made in this direction if we truly want to decipher his work,” he adds. One of his explanations has impressed Gulzar so much that he has expressed his desire to meet him. 

Katha Kathan celebrates the works of Rabindranath Tagore, Premchand, Sahir Ludhianvi, Krishen Chander, Ismat Chugtai, and many others, but the celebrated and controversial writer Manto remains Gulrays’ all-time favorite. “Manto continues to be misunderstood despite finding new admirers decades after his death because most people haven’t really read his work in totality. They read six or eight of his stories and dub him an obscene or a dark writer. He is neither, and there is a lot of it that needs to be explored to understand Manto’s body of work better,” he adds.

Jameel Gulrays is not just an individual but an institution.

Taking a walk down the memory lane, he recounts how his childhood home – his lavish bungalow in Mahim – had a portion of it rented out to Shyam, a popular actor in those days, by his father to tide over the financial crunch. Shyam and Manto were best of friends, and Manto often dropped in to see Shyam. It seems like a connection established by the umbilical cord, and Gulrays holds the prolific writer in high regard. “Why Manto decided to migrate to Pakistan is a question still debated by many. He was miserable there, as some of his letters reveal. Perhaps, he took that decision because of an incident involving his friend Shyam. Riots had hit both sides of the border. Shyam had some relatives in Lahore, and he was anxious about their safety and wellbeing in such troubled times. One day, news came that one of them had been killed, and in an inebriated state, he told Manto that he could kill him one of these days. Regaining his sobriety, he apologised, but Manto was so shaken up that he decided to leave India. The interesting bit is Shyam went to see him off at the dock, where they drank together for the last time,” recounts Gulrays.

Lifelong mission

Now, in his twilight days, Gulrays could ill afford to bask in the glory days and live off comfortably. Not someone to sit on his laurels, he has been working for the Indian languages and literature because, as he says, “Languages are our homes, and we must protect them.” 

He rues how the millennials are losing touch with their mother tongue. “If they don’t prefer to communicate in their mother tongue, eventually they would lose touch and forget to read and write in that language. Once that happens, it would spell the death knell for these languages,” says Gulrays, explaining the real reason behind his passion project – the need to preserve these languages so that they don’t up remain a dialect for future generations.    

To listen to stories, follow Jameel Gulrays on YouTube and Soundcloud.

Gulrays is not just an individual but an institution. So many people claim to love Urdu, but there is no one like him. He remains one among the few sincere and selfless soldiers of the language who has been single-handedly working on this mission, regardless of the bouquet or brickbats that could come his way.

A Baithak of Katha Kathan is a must on the first Saturday of every month. During the pandemic, it has moved to a virtual platform. Earlier, it was held at his home, where stories flowed along with a generous helping of snacks and beverages. These days, he has started using Clubhouse to his advantage and hosts a dramatised storytelling session with Katha Kathan Team at 10.30 pm every Sunday. These virtual sessions see story lovers from across the world in attendance. 

Katha Kathan’s Jashn-e-Manto featuring actor Naseeruddin Shah.

Bushra Rahman, an eminent Urdu novelist across the border, once sent a message praising his style. Shah, when asked, ‘why we don’t a Zia Mohyeddin here?’ had once famously quipped, “You haven’t heard of Jameel Gulrays.” Shah’s statement sums up the sentiments of his ardent admirers, who come from across the world, belong to different age groups, and speak different languages. The common thread binding them all is their love for stories in Urdu and other Indian languages. And the tribe is growing every day. 

Team Katha Kathan with Jameel Gulrays.

A devoted Urdu lover, he has a team of young volunteers growing under his tutelage at Katha Kathan to keep the love for languages and stories alight. He quotes a couplet of Majrooh Sultanpuri in the parting, and that succinctly sums up his illustrious journey.  

“Maiñ akelā hī chalā thā jānib-e-manzil magar 
log saath aate ga.e aur kārvāñ bantā gayā.”

The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories, that it has come to be disbelieved in. Few people dare now to say that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet it is in this way that love begins, and in this way only.

victor hugo

2021: A year of Love, Labour and Loss

People, , , , , , , ,

Love is a mystery. Love is unitive. Love is how we connect as human beings with one another and with the whole universe together. Love is how we learn, become better, and make the world a better place to live for us and others. Love needs freedom to breathe, equality to thrive, and openness to flow and grow. Love is personal, political, philosophical, sexual, social, historical, metaphysical, transcendental, et al. Sadly, we have only one word to describe such a complex emotion. The ancient Greeks had six different words, but even that’s not enough. 2021 taught me new ways to describe the complexity of love and its various hues. Love lost on many counts, but it miraculously sprang on a few occasions like a phoenix. My LOVE vocabulary was defined and redefined by people who touched my life one way or another this year.

SHILLPI A SINGH

LOVE IS FAITH: Khrienuo Angami & Akshat Sharma

Kohima girl Khrienuo Angami met Dehradun boy Akshat Sharma at the Naga Students Union Sports Meet at Delhi University’s Hindu College in 2003. “It was a chance meeting for a fleeting moment that was destined to bring two people hailing from different faiths and different states together for a lifetime. There were hiccups, a lot of them, but Que Sera Sera,” recounts Angami with a chuckle.

LOVE IS FAITH: Khrienuo Angami & Akshat Sharma

While Sharma moved to XLRI, Jamshedpur, to pursue MBA, Angami went to Jawaharlal Nehru University for her M.Phil. Angami and Sharma identified each other more with the friend tag, but Cupid had struck them no matter how hard they tried, and they had been swept off their feet. “We started dating each other only in 2007 and informed our respective parents about our plans to get hitched. Well, but it was easier said than done. The opposition was vehement,” says Angami, a Protestant Christian from the Scheduled Tribes in Nagaland, while Sharma is a Brahmin from Uttarakhand.

The family dynamics also played a significant role in paving the way for acceptance. Angami’s three younger brothers rallied around her. They championed the cause of intercaste, interfaith union with all their might, even as her parents and younger sisters chose to oppose the alliance, tooth and nail; they stopped all communication for a year. Being the only child worked in Sharma’s favour, and his parents gave in easily because “his happiness mattered the most to them.” Sharma visited Angami’s folks in Nagaland and tried to win them over to break the ice. He succeeded, and two rounds of talks between their parents over the wedding rituals to be followed happened in Delhi in 2011. “I have four younger siblings, and my parents were worried that I would be ex-communicated from the church if I marry a Hindu. The news would be a big disgrace to the family back in Nagaland. He somehow agreed, but it wasn’t easy to win him over,” recalls Angami.

LOVE IS FAITH: Khrienuo Angami & Akshat Sharma

The couple got married twice – one according to elaborate Hindu rituals and the other under the Special Marriage Act in 2012. Today, their two children follow both religions, and festivals for the Angami-Sharma household are all about fun and food. It’s their faith in love and humanity that keeps them afloat.

Faith makes all things possible… love makes all things easy.

Dwight L. Moody

2021: A year of Love, Labour and Loss

The Free Press Journal, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Love is a mystery. Love is unitive. Love is how we connect as human beings with one another and with the whole universe together. Love is how we learn, become better, and make the world a better place to live for us and others. Love needs freedom to breathe, equality to thrive, and openness to flow and grow. Love is personal, political, philosophical, sexual, social, historical, metaphysical, transcendental, et al. Sadly, we have only one word to describe such a complex emotion. The ancient Greeks had six different words, but even that’s not enough. 2021 taught me new ways to describe the complexity of love and its various hues. Love lost on many counts, but it miraculously sprang on a few occasions like a phoenix. My LOVE vocabulary was defined and redefined by people who touched my life one way or another this year.

shillpi a singh

LOVE IS FOOD FOR THE SOUL: Farmers and Agripreneurs

“Why do farmers farm, given their economic adversities on top of the many frustrations and difficulties normal to farming? And always the answer is: Love. They must do it for love. Farmers farm for the love of farming. They love to watch and nurture the growth of plants. They love to live in the presence of animals. They love to work outdoors. They love the weather, maybe even when it is making them miserable. They love to live where they work and to work where they live. If the scale of their farming is small enough, they like to work in the company of their children and with the help of their children. They love the measure of independence that farm life can still provide,” said Wendell Berry.

Retracing actor extraordinaire Manoj Bajpayee’s brand endorsements in 2021 makes one marvel at the ingenuity of his choices. He endorsed products and services that matter to an ordinary person, be it home, finance, farm, food, and rightly so. “I was born and brought up in a village, and I have always flaunted being a farmer’s son with immense pride. It is the core of my being, my work and how I choose to do what I do,” he says. A proud farmer’s son, he endorsed Krish-e App by Mahindra because the product reflects his identity, and he could relate to it. “Moreso, because I find technology a great enabler, and Krish-e has leveraged it to its advantage to help farmers reduce costs, increase productivity, and ultimately farmers’ income,” says the actor, who won the National Award for his searing performance in Devashish Makhija’s Bhonsle this year. With his endorsement, Bajpayee set the tone for the changing narrative in the agriculture sector that’s gravitating towards tech and seeing the active participation of young agripreneurs.  

LOVE IS FOOD FOR THE SOUL: Actor Manoj Bajpayee
To read more, https://adnaama.in/2021/11/06/the-ad-ventures-of-mr-b/
Farmer’s pride

IT professional Muhaimin Sheik decoded the perfect work-from-home balance during the lockdown, much to his delight. A native of Ramanathapuram, Pottagavayal village in Tamil Nadu, Sheik returned home to be with his family during the pandemic last year and has stayed in the village ever since then. Hailing from a family of farmers, he wasn’t as deeply involved in the process as he is now, and the WFH, in a way, helped him reconnect with his roots. “I spend five days coding and two days farming. I start my weekdays with a stroll down the farm before logging in for work. One day someone asked me, ‘You are educated and working with a software firm, so why do you want to do this? The company pays you well, right?’ I replied, ‘Yes, it does, but I can’t eat the money. I can eat rice only’,” says Sheik.    

A native of Ramanathapuram, Pottagavayal village in Tamil Nadu, IT professional Muhaimin Sheik at his farm.

CEO of Athvas Horti Fed Producer Company Ltd Asiya Nazir from Kupwara in Kashmir runs a farmer producer organisation and sells to wholesale and retail buyers on a tech-enabled Harvesting Farmers Network (HFN) platform. “I sell walnut, almonds, apple jam, honey and saffron on HFN mobile app directly to buyers across India. The tech-enabled market linkage is a massive relief for farmers like me,” says Nazir.

CEO of Athvas Horti Fed Producer Company Ltd Asiya Nazir from Kupwara in Kashmir

On the other hand, Raghu Dharanipathi of Kapila Agrofarms in Siddipet, Telangana, has benefitted tremendously by feeding corn silage (Cornvita by SAGO) to his cattle for the last three years. “Sago has been one of the best both in terms of quality of the product and customer service. Milk production of our dairy cattle consistently improved by 10-15% in the last three years,” says Dharanipathi. 

The story of Ajit Sorate,a large farmland owner from Baramati, Maharashtra, who faced challenges due to a lack of knowledge about the advanced implements available in the market, is no different. Thanks to Krish-e advisory, his plantation costs have been drastically reduced. Earlier, Sorate used to utilise 16 acres for sugarcane and 12 acres for maize cultivation. This year, after registering on the Krish-e app, he has planted sugarcane, from which he expects over 35% more output. “Krish-e app comes with Mahindra’s promise and has a smooth functioning where I can avail proper advice on soil testing, primary tillage and intercropping to help in scientific mapping of the crop,” he says.  

Back story

Krish-e is a new business vertical from Mahindra Group that provides technology-driven services that are progressive, affordable, and accessible to farmers. “We launched Krish-e and Nidaan apps in October 2021, keeping in mind the ever-evolving needs of the modern farmers. These apps leverage a combination of agronomy, data and farming expertise to improve farmer’s income per acre,” says Hemant Sikka, President, Farm Equipment Sector, Mahindra & Mahindra Ltd. 

HFN founder Ruchit Garg, who launched a mobile app in November 2021, had been actively helping smallholders’ farmers from across the country market and sell their harvest through a dedicated Twitter page during the first wave of COVID19. Farmers used to message crop details to him, and he used to broadcast those details on Twitter, and the farmers’ produce used to find buyers in no time. Buoyed by the consumer response, he decided to have a dedicated mobile app for farmers. “HFN Kisan mobile app is world’s only mobile app which provides full-stack services to not only farmers in horticulture, but also to farmers involved in fishery, poultry and livestock,” says Garg. 

Hyderabad-based agri-tech startup SAGO Speciality Feeds was started by three passionate agripreneurs — former NABARD employee Chandrasekhar Singh, his nephew Saikiran and son Anurag —  in 2019. At SAGO, they have deployed fermentation biology to develop and manufacture silage from corn crops and use microbial inoculants for making silage. The technology helps produce high-quality feed for cattle and enables efficient year-long storage of green fodder. “Silage is a highly nutritious and balanced feed for cattle, sheep and other ruminants, and it can also be used as a biofuel feedstock for anaerobic digesters. It doesn’t contain any synthetic additives or chemicals. Silage also helps reduce the volume of feed as it is highly compressed, thereby decreasing the overall cost and meeting the nutritional requirement,” says Singh.  

Agri-tech startup SAGO Speciality Feeds was started by three passionate agripreneurs — former NABARD employee Chandrasekhar Singh, his nephew Saikiran and son Anurag —  in 2019.
Growth in numbers 

The numbers are promising, and best elucidate the success story. Garg recounts how the app helped a Bangalore farmer sell 20,000 kg of grapes in just three days and how a farmer from Bihar got a weekly brinjal subscription from a nearby hotel by using the app. “We have at least one farmer from each Indian state/UT on our platform,” he adds with pride. 

Ruchit Garg, founder of HFN Mandi and HFN mobile app.

The high-quality corn silage is produced at SAGO’s plant in Banswara, Rajasthan. “More than 1,200 farmers produce corn crop for us annually. Over 230 dairy farms, involving over 12,000 dairy cattle, are fed with our corn silage annually. Sago has created an efficient and sustainable agricultural production ecosystem covering Gujarat, Rajasthan, and Telangana and significantly improved the livelihood of the farming community involved,” elucidates Singh. 

The Krish-e and Nidaan apps have received more than six lakh downloads. With an omnichannel approach, Krish-e is has been able to make a considerable difference to farming outcomes. “Through Krish-e, Mahindra is creating a nation of ‘Champion Farmers’. To date, Krish-e has increased the yield of farmers by up to Rs 15,000, brought down the cost of farming by about 8-12% and increased profit by up to Rs 6000 per acre. It reflects the passion of those progressive farmers who have adopted new practices to improve their outcomes,” adds Sikka. 

Plans in the offing

SAGO plans to expand into other speciality feeds for animals such as Aflatoxin free corn for pet feed and Quality Protein Maize for poultry feed. “These are a couple of products in the pipeline to be launched in the next two years. We are preparing to foray into the value-added food sector, focused on Functional Foods,” says Singh. 

Mahindra Group’s biannual event – Krish-e Champion Awards – is aligned with the Kharif and Rabi seasons. These Awards recognise and felicitate farmers and institutions, who have risen above the ordinary, by thinking innovatively and driving a positive change in agriculture. “Through the Krish-e Champion Awards, we aim to inspire millions of farmers and agripreneurs to build a promising future for the country. These Awards celebrate the progress of these farmers who took this first and very important step with us,” emphasises Sikka. 

Like most other fields, technology in agriculture is a must, believes Garg, adding that it impacts every aspect of agriculture, from seed to market. “Agriculture requires a mix of digital and physical approaches for building a scalable and sustainable business model,” says Garg, who is planning to launch a network of brick-and-mortar HFN Kisan Centers. “These will be farmer-owned and operated. We plan to open 17,000 such centres across India,” he adds. 

Young farmer Sheik sums up the tenacious spirit of others of his ilk and states, “There are many ways to earn money, but there is only one way to earn food, and that’s through agriculture.” True that! We owe a lot to the farmers. It is about time we realise it too. 

Kisan Diwas is observed on December 23 in remembrance of former PM Chaudhary Charan Singh, who was committed to the wellbeing of the farmers. I met farmers and agripreneurs, who have leveraged technology, to do the same to celebrate the day. The article was published in The Free Press Journal on December 19, 2021.
https://www.freepressjournal.in/weekend/kisan-diwas-2021-how-farmers-and-agripreneursare-making-the-most-of-technology-that-is-at-their-disposal

2021: A year of Love, Labour and Loss

People, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Love is a mystery. Love is unitive. Love is how we connect as human beings with one another and with the whole universe together. Love is how we learn, become better, and make the world a better place to live for us and others. Love needs freedom to breathe, equality to thrive, and openness to flow and grow. Love is personal, political, philosophical, sexual, social, historical, metaphysical, transcendental, et al. Sadly, we have only one word to describe such a complex emotion. The ancient Greeks had six different words, but even that’s not enough. 2021 taught me new ways to describe the complexity of love and its various hues. Love lost on many counts, but it miraculously sprang on a few occasions like a phoenix. My LOVE vocabulary was defined and redefined by people who touched my life one way or another this year.

shillpi a singh

LOVE IS PROMISE: Jaspreet Chandhok

Jaspreet Chandhok is an architect by education who runs one of India’s leading lighting design firms, Ethereal Designs in Delhi & Mumbai, and is a happy mother-in-waiting. “Motherhood was always on my mind, but adoption has been my only choice,” says Chandhok.

LOVE IS PROMISE: Jaspreet Chandhok, a mother-in-waiting.

She got married at 35 and conceived at 36. The first trimester was tough for her. “I had frequent nausea, severe acidity, lethargy, throwing up at any strong smell or taste to the extent I couldn’t even brush my teeth daily for fear of vomiting. As the first trimester completed, I suffered a miscarriage. It was traumatic. The idea repulsed us, and we were afraid of going through the same rigmarole again. To add to it, my husband was facing a challenging medical situation too,” reminisces Chandhok. 

At 40, she wanted to be a mother badly but chose to miss the biological route. “Adoption seemed to be the most promising and empowering means of bringing a child into our lives. We registered in the Central Adoption Resource Authority (CARA) in August 2020. Our seniority on the waiting list of prospective adoptive parents in Delhi was 1421 in September 2020; Currently, we are 1014th, which could mean another 18 to 20 months of waiting time,” adds Chandhok.

Once she and her husband registered for CARA, they have been pretty firm on their decision throughout. “We not only preferred to go for closed adoption only though CARA because we feel it fulfils the mutual need of the child and the couple,” says the mother, who is happily waiting to bring her bundle of joy home, one day soon. It is a long and arduous wait.

Less than 30% of prospective parents registered at CARA before the Chandhoks have brought their child home in the last 16 months. The maths is simple: 16 months for 400. At this rate, the total wait for the Chandhok couple seems longer than three years. The number on the waiting list seems more gruelling and taxing than even the toughest All-India competition’s list of rank holders. They stand 1014 on Delhi’s waiting list, 1408 on Maharashtra and 892 in Punjab as on December 18, 2021.

Meanwhile, a group of 350 (the number is growing every day) prospective adoptive parents (registered with CARA) like her formed ‘Adoption Action Group’ four months ago and have been trying various means to bring about awareness and request the Ministry of Women and Child to streamline, improve and make the adoption process faster.

“I also coordinate some activities of the group including the Twitter campaign, and I ardently keep tweeting on some days. It worries my close ones. They get the impression that I’m suffering while waiting, so I’m doing it. But I don’t do it out of frustration or desperation. I do it as a process of motherhood. I might not be carrying that unknown child in my womb and watching it grow inside me, but I have been feeling similar excitement as any other biological mother. My motherhood journey is different but yet similar to any other mother,” says Chandhok.

As a mother-in-waiting, she signs off saying the most profound words in favour of her decision to adopt and not give birth: “Yes, the child we will bring home won’t have our bloodline, our looks or genes, but we are not running a kingdom anyway; there is no royal blood legacy that we are aware of and something that we must take forward through our progeny. Our love is our legacy. We are eagerly looking forward to our child, who shall belong to our own ‘Loveline’ not ‘bloodline’.” That’s an unsaid PROMISE she’s made to her unknown CHILD, and with LOVE.

“We are born of love; love is our mother.”

Rumi

2021: A year of Love, Labour and Loss

People

Love is a mystery. Love is unitive. Love is how we connect as human beings with one another and with the whole universe together. Love is how we learn, become better, and make the world a better place to live for us and others. Love needs freedom to breathe, equality to thrive, and openness to flow and grow. Love is personal, political, philosophical, sexual, social, historical, metaphysical, transcendental, et al. Sadly, we have only one word to describe such a complex emotion. The ancient Greeks had six different words, but even that’s not enough. 2021 taught me new ways to describe the complexity of love and its various hues. Love lost on many counts, but it miraculously sprang on a few occasions like a phoenix. My LOVE vocabulary was defined and redefined by people who touched my life one way or another this year.

SHILLPI A SINGH

LOVE IS EQUALITY: Tribe of Penguin Dads

Penguin dads are redefining the rules of parenthood by ‘mothering’ their children. Meet the waddle, who are busting the pre-defined and gender-dictated notions and social norms and taking up daddy duties, and for good. 

Bengaluru-based IT professionals Abhinav Sitesh and his wife Natasha welcomed twin girls – Abhisha and Naysha – into their lives in December 2016. The couple’s joys were doubled, and so were the duties and responsibilities that came along in their new role. “Natasha’s post-delivery complications had left her bedridden. We had no family support around, so I was on double duty. I had to take care of the little ones’ feeding, bathing, massaging, cleaning poop, pee, and puke, plus putting them to sleep. With two of them, it was around the clock job, from then to now, and to add to my woes was my work-from-home arrangement for an important office assignment,” recalls Sitesh, who had to give paternity leave a miss to do the due as a ‘working father’. He has since then chosen to WFH and is one of the many young fathers, who are happy to be on daddy duty 24×7 and find the newfound role to be far more enjoyable and satisfying. “When one of my children was diagnosed with autism, I knew that here on, I will have far more responsibilities to shoulder. A lot more interventions are required at my end to ease it out for them,” he says. The couple relocated to Lucknow from Bengaluru in March this year so that his children could be around their grandparents, relatives and other extended family members.   

LOVE IS EQUALITY: Abhinav Sitesh with his twins.

Parenting as a joint venture

In a traditional setup, the onus often falls on a mother to raise the child, and she eventually becomes the sole nurturer, while the father’s role is to earn, and he is considered more of a provider. Delhi-based sports journalist Nishant Singh, who is married to news anchor and correspondent Rajani Sen, belongs to the new creed of fathers and is happy to ‘mother’ his two boys, Adamya and Sahishnu. “The societal norms are changing, and our generation is making necessary contributions by shattering the stereotyped, gender-defined roles at home and outside. What a mother does, a father can do too, and a couple is in this parenting business together, isn’t it?” asks Singh. As a father, he is quite hands-on in raising his children and loves to do it all, be it helping with their studies, taking them out to play games or participating in extracurricular activities. As his wife recounts, “Adamya had to wear a rainbow-themed shirt to school, and she was in office in the evening shift, and by the time she came home, Nishant had used his creativity to colour a white shirt and keep it ready for his school.” 

LOVE IS EQUALITY: Rajani and Nishant with their children.

Parenting coach and author of a parenting book ParenTeen Prakriti Prasad agrees with Singh on the shared responsibilities while raising a child. “Conceiving a child is a joint endeavour of both parents. I don’t see why and how nurturing that infant, toddler, adolescent or even a young adult became the sole responsibility of the mother with the father acting as a mere spectator, supervisor or sometimes a visiting faculty, with minimal involvement in parenting,” she says.

Starting point 

A father playing an active role in raising his children becomes a talking point because it has been an exception and not a rule. As a father of seven-year-old Sadgi, author and columnist Pankaj Ramendu, who chose to stay at home to take care of her since her birth, while his wife Kalpana pursued her career ambitions, rues, “Why do people find it unusual? It is because our previous generations have been raising children with a set mindset. We have never questioned the existing gender roles in our society because we have been conditioned to accept it as a norm.” 

LOVE IS EQUALITY: Pankaj Ramendu with his daughter Sadgi.

Contextualising the parenting dynamics, Prasad adds, “Indian dads have traditionally just been onlookers of their newborns or enforcers of discipline in their growing up years. It’s both heartening and relieving to see this burgeoning trend of hands-on dads, what you call ‘penguin dads’ now in India too. Millennial fathers are taking paternity leave not just to revel in the birth of their child but chipping in with staying up the nights, changing diapers or bathing and feeding their infants.” 

Ramendu believes that a man has never been taught to shoulder this responsibility and participate in a child’s upbringing because this idea has been perpetuated to suit the patriarchal setup. “It is all about gender equality, something which has been an oft-neglected issue. Motherhood is an emotion and not a gender-specific category to bracket a parent. A father can have the same emotions and fit in the role of a mother well if given a chance,” he says.  

Changing the rules 

Bengaluru-based Prithvi Ramachandran has dabbled in many trades, most notably being the Bengaluru casting director for the Oscar-winning Ang Lee film, Life of Pi, but one role that he is content with the most is the role of a do-it-all dad for his two boys – Mir and Arya. “I have been a stay-at-home dad since my elder son was born, although the terminology might be disputed since the pandemic began and everyone else also began to stay at home! My wife Ruhi works full time and has had a demanding career for over 25 years,” says Ramachandran, who decided to take an active role in children’s upbringing. He takes care of school drops/pickups, organizing playdates, and cooking/ensuring healthy meals and snacks, and the couple takes turns reading stories to kids at bedtime. 

A father doing it all for his children, more than the mother, makes his role conspicuous to others, and there is a fair share of challenges all through. “However, much I’ve had to swallow my ego and deal with disapproving looks, snide comments from friends and relatives, and a general giving up of power, I feel blessed that I have been able to spend so much time with my children and dogs. Having children, watching them grow and experiencing with them the joys of the simple things in life helped me realize what life is truly about,” says Ramachandran. 

It is a win-win situation for all three parties – the mother, the father and the kid. While the overworked mom gets a breather, dad his share of unique bonding and the kid thrives in an atmosphere of love and attention. “These children are bound to share a much deeper bond with their fathers. Besides, I think this will also reverse the archaic gender perceptions about fathers being the breadwinners while mothers being the nurturers, something we’ve unwittingly been passing on to our children,” advises Prasad.

Two-gether is the way 

The tribe of penguin dads is growing because these men want to reverse the outdated concept of bracketing a mother as a nurturer and a father as a provider because these gender-defined roles have blurred. Sitesh fondly remembers how his equation with Abhisha and Naysha is in complete contrast to what he shared with his dad. “I like it this way – open, warm and affable,” he says. Like Ramendu, Ramachandran too believes in gender agnostic parenting and says, “Men being involved in the raising their children is the way it ought to be. It is challenging enough to leave it to just one person. As the saying goes, it takes a village, and all that.. the more hands, the better.” 

But Prasad is amazed and also amused to see only mothers flocking parenting workshops and sessions. She encourages both parents to attend such sessions or their children’s PTMs or school events to keep parenting even-keeled. “It goes a long way in boosting the child’s confidence and self-worth besides strengthening their bond. When both parents work as a team to bring up their children, the child grows upon the firm foundations of love, understanding and belief in each other. Such children grow up to display positive traits,” she reasons.

The article was carried on Father’s Day (June 20, 2021) in The Free Press Journal; https://www.freepressjournal.in/weekend/fathers-day-2021-meet-the-new-tribe-of-do-it-all-penguin-dads