The article was published in The Free Press Journal, Mumbai, on August 13, 2023. https://www.freepressjournal.in/weekend/what-motivates-people-to-change-career-after-30
The Great Switch
Let’s talk about asexuality
The article appeared in The Free Press Journal on August 6, 2023. https://www.freepressjournal.in/weekend/why-asexuality-also-needs-open-conversation-and-understanding
Unearthing Tenderness
“Beneath our anxious quickenings, beneath our fanged fears, beneath the rusted armors of conviction, tenderness is what we long for — tenderness to salve our bruising contact with reality, to warm us awake from the frozen stupor of near-living.”
In the hustle and bustle of our modern lives, we often find ourselves tangled in the web of anxiety and fear. Beneath the surface of our hurried existence lies a longing, a yearning for something deeper, something more profound – tenderness. It is the balm that soothes our bruised souls and the beacon that awakens us from the numbness of mere existence. In this chaotic world, tenderness offers a gentle respite, a reminder of our shared humanity.
Peeling off the Armor
Life is not without its share of challenges and adversities. To protect ourselves from the harsh realities, we sometimes don rusted armours of conviction – beliefs and ideologies that shield us from vulnerability. We wear them like a second skin, afraid to let go for fear of being wounded. Yet, beneath these hardened layers, we yearn for tenderness – the soft touch of understanding and a fellow human’s compassion.
Anxious Quickenings and Fanged Fears
Anxiety often creeps into our minds like an unwelcome guest, gnawing at our peace. We fret about the uncertainties of the future, the judgments of others, and the precariousness of our own existence. Our fears take on fangs, gnashing at our confidence, leaving us wounded and hesitant to embrace tenderness. But if we dare to peer beyond these fears, we’ll find that tenderness can be an antidote to our anxious quickenings, a healing force that binds the broken pieces of our hearts.
The Frozen Stupor of Near-Living
In the relentless pursuit of success and material gains, we may live a life devoid of true meaning. We go through the motions, numbed by the icy grip of routine. Our emotions become frozen, and we lose touch with the essence of our being. In this frozen stupor of near-living, tenderness calls out to us, imploring us to thaw our hearts and embrace the richness of our emotions.
The Healing Power of Tenderness
Tenderness is not weakness; it is strength in vulnerability. It takes courage to let down our guard and connect with others on a deeper, more empathetic level. A tender gesture, a kind word, or a gentle touch can work wonders, healing wounds that may have long been buried beneath the surface. Tenderness nurtures the roots of human connection and fosters a sense of belonging.
Kindling Tenderness Within
We must first kindle it within ourselves to cultivate tenderness in the world. Self-compassion is the seed from which tender empathy grows. By acknowledging our own struggles and treating ourselves with gentleness, we become better equipped to extend the same compassion to others. Tenderness radiates outward like ripples in a pond, touching the lives of those we encounter.
Embracing the Gift of Tenderness
Let us not forget the gift of tenderness in the cacophony of life. It resides beneath the layers of anxiety, fear, and cynicism, waiting to be unearthed. It is a beacon of hope in a world that sometimes seems cold and unfeeling. Let us extend tenderness to ourselves and others, for in doing so, we embrace the very essence of our shared humanity.
So, let us strive to peel off the rusted armours of conviction, confront our anxious quickenings and fanged fears, and thaw the frozen stupor of near-living. In doing so, we allow tenderness to salve our bruising contact with reality and awaken us to the beauty of living fully and compassionately. Let tenderness be our guiding light on this journey of life.
Unravelling Childhood Trauma in an Adult
Childhood is meant to be a time of innocence and joy, but unfortunately, it becomes a period marked by trauma and pain for many individuals. Childhood trauma can impact a person’s emotional and psychological well-being, shaping their relationships and self-perception. In this blog post, we will delve into the concept of childhood trauma, its potential causes, and ways to identify someone who may have experienced it.
What is Childhood Trauma? Childhood trauma refers to a distressing event or series of events that occur during childhood and profoundly impact a person’s development. These experiences can vary widely and may include physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, neglect, losing a loved one, witnessing domestic violence, or exposure to substance abuse.
The Impact of Childhood Trauma: Childhood trauma can have far-reaching consequences that extend well into adulthood. When a child’s safety and emotional well-being are compromised during their formative years, it can disrupt their ability to form healthy attachments, manage emotions, and build trust in others. As a result, they may develop maladaptive coping mechanisms and struggle with intimacy, vulnerability, and self-worth.
Begging for Love: One of the tell-tale signs of childhood trauma is seeking love and validation from individuals who are emotionally unavailable or incapable of reciprocating genuine affection. Survivors of trauma may unconsciously gravitate towards relationships that mirror their early experiences, hoping to rewrite their past by gaining the love and acceptance they were denied as children.
Genesis of Childhood Trauma: The roots of childhood trauma are often found in dysfunctional family dynamics, adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), and exposure to ongoing stress or adversity. As identified by the CDC-Kaiser Permanente Adverse Childhood Experiences Study, ACEs include physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, neglect, parental substance abuse, mental illness, divorce, or domestic violence.
Spotting Someone with Childhood Trauma: Identifying someone who has experienced childhood trauma can be challenging, as survivors often conceal their pain behind a façade of strength. However, certain signs and behaviours may indicate the presence of unresolved trauma, including:
- Avoidance of emotional intimacy or difficulty in forming close relationships.
- Hyper-vigilance and a constant sense of danger, even in safe environments.
- Low self-esteem and a belief that they are unworthy of love and care.
- Frequent outbursts of anger or extreme emotional reactions to minor triggers.
- Engaging in self-destructive behaviours, such as substance abuse or self-harm.
- Re-experiencing traumatic memories through flashbacks or nightmares.
- Difficulty regulating emotions and coping with stress.
Healing and Recovery: Recognizing and acknowledging childhood trauma is the first step towards healing and recovery. Professional help through therapy, counselling, or support groups can provide a safe space for survivors to process their emotions, learn coping strategies, and rebuild their self-esteem.
Childhood trauma casts a long shadow over an individual’s life, shaping their perceptions, behaviours, and relationships. By understanding the genesis of childhood trauma and recognizing the signs, we can offer support and compassion to those who have experienced such hardships. Healing from childhood trauma is a journey that requires patience and understanding. Still, with the right resources and support, survivors can find their path to recovery and ultimately lead fulfilling lives.
Desire
Though I knit my brow,
my gaze is fixed
longingly
anyway.
Though I check my tongue,
this tortured face of mine
dissolves in a smile.
Though I drive my heart to hardness,
my body bears
the gooseflesh
of desire.
When I see that man,
how on earth
can my anger
survive?
The power of valuing yourself… because you’re worth it!
In a world where external validations often take center stage, it’s easy to overlook the most crucial source of validation – our own self-worth. Valuing yourself is not just a matter of self-esteem; it’s a transformative force that can significantly impact how you interact with the world and how it responds to you.
The Secret of Self-Value:
When you see yourself as valuable, a subtle but powerful shift occurs in your aura. People around you can subconsciously sense this newfound self-assurance and self-respect, which inevitably demands respect in return. Embracing your worth sets the foundation for healthier relationships, personal growth, and professional success.
Commanding Respect:
The magic of self-value lies in its ability to effortlessly alter how you project yourself to others. As you recognize your inherent worth, your voice gains authority, and your words become more persuasive. Your body language naturally exudes dominance, without you even consciously trying to do so. This shift in energy commands respect from those around you, leading to more meaningful interactions and collaborations.
Attracting Positive Vibes:
Believing in your high value creates a magnetic aura that draws positive energy towards you. Confidence and self-assurance act as beacons that attract like-minded individuals, opportunities, and experiences. As you embody your self-worth, you’ll be surrounded by supportive people and situations aligning with your goals and aspirations.
Unleashing Your True Potential:
When you fully embrace your value, you unleash your true potential. Taking risks, pursuing your passions, and stepping out of your comfort zone becomes easier. The fear of judgment or failure diminishes, allowing you to grow and evolve. The world becomes your canvas, and you fearlessly paint your life with the colors of your dreams.
Embracing Self-Value:
The beauty of valuing yourself lies in its simplicity. It starts with a single thought deeply rooted in your mind – “I’m high value.” This belief forms the cornerstone of your self-confidence and self-esteem. When you genuinely recognize your worth, you no longer seek external validation to feel complete. You become self-reliant, empowering yourself to navigate life’s challenges with resilience.
The Ripple Effect:
Valuing yourself has a ripple effect that touches your life and the lives of those around you. As you cultivate self-love and self-respect, you become an inspiration to others. Your growth journey becomes a beacon of hope for those seeking the same transformation, encouraging them to embark on their path of self-discovery.
The importance of valuing yourself cannot be overstated. Embrace your worth, for it is the key to unlocking the doors of possibility and leading a fulfilling life. As you radiate self-assurance and self-respect, you become a force to be reckoned with – a force that inspires, uplifts, and transforms yourself and the world around you. Remember, you are high value, and the world is ready to witness the brilliance within you. Embrace it, and watch your life soar to new heights.
The Evolving Roles of Parents in a Child’s Life
Parenting is a journey filled with love, growth, and learning. As society evolves, so do the roles of parents in their children’s lives. Gone are the days of traditional parental roles; today’s parents embrace new challenges, adapt to changing times, and navigate uncharted territories, all while nurturing lasting bonds with their children. Let’s explore the evolving roles of parents and how they shape the next generation’s lives.
From Guardians to Mentors:
In the past, parents were seen primarily as guardians, responsible for providing safety, discipline, and guidance. However, in the modern era, parents have evolved into mentors. They protect their children and actively participate in their growth and development. Parents now play an integral role in shaping their children’s aspirations and dreams by offering support, encouragement, and wisdom.
Embracing Equality:
With the ongoing movement towards gender equality, parents are breaking away from traditional gender roles. Fathers are more involved in nurturing and caregiving, while mothers pursue careers and personal ambitions. This shift fosters a sense of equality within the family, encouraging children to value diverse perspectives and embrace their unique strengths.
Navigating the Digital Age:
In today’s digital world, parents are faced with new challenges. They take on the role of digital mentors, guiding their children’s safe and responsible use of technology. Balancing screen time, encouraging healthy online habits, and fostering a sense of digital citizenship are crucial aspects of parenting in the 21st century.
Supporting Emotional Well-being:
Parents are increasingly attuned to their children’s emotional needs. They understand the significance of emotional intelligence and mental health, providing a nurturing environment where children can express themselves freely. Open communication and empathy form the foundation of a strong parent-child bond, promoting emotional well-being throughout a child’s lifetime.
Fostering Independence:
Parents learn to balance protection with the need to foster independence as children grow. They encourage their children to explore, make decisions, and learn from experiences. Parents help children develop resilience, adaptability, and problem-solving skills that prepare them for life’s challenges by providing a safe space for growth.
Nurturing Lifelong Learning:
Parents now recognize that learning is not confined to formal education. They embrace the role of lifelong learners themselves and instil a love for learning in their children. By fostering curiosity and a growth mindset, parents empower their children to be adaptable, resourceful, and curious.
Advocating for Inclusivity:
Parents play a crucial role in advocating for inclusivity and acceptance in today’s diverse world. They teach their children to celebrate differences, challenge stereotypes, and be compassionate global citizens. Parents help shape a more inclusive society for future generations by promoting respect and tolerance.
Balancing Work and Family:
As work-life balance becomes a priority, parents find innovative ways to manage their professional and familial responsibilities. They emphasize quality time over quantity, ensuring meaningful interactions and shared experiences that strengthen family bonds.
The roles of parents in a child’s lifetime have evolved significantly. From guardians to mentors, digital mentors to emotional support systems, parents adapt to the changing world while remaining steadfast in their love and commitment. By embracing these evolving roles, parents create nurturing environments that empower their children to thrive, grow, and contribute meaningfully to the world. Parenting is a lifelong journey, and as parents evolve, so does the foundation of love and guidance they provide, shaping future generations.
Unveiling the Enigma of Imposter Syndrome
… Overcoming Self-Doubt and Embracing Success
Imposter Syndrome, a pervasive phenomenon affecting individuals across various walks of life, can be a significant barrier to personal and professional growth. It manifests as an overwhelming feeling of self-doubt, despite ample evidence of one’s competence and accomplishments. In this article, we delve into the depths of Imposter Syndrome, exploring its causes, effects, and strategies to overcome it, empowering individuals to embrace their success confidently.
Understanding Imposter Syndrome: Imposter Syndrome stems from internalized self-doubt, where individuals attribute their achievements to luck or external factors rather than their abilities. It often affects high-achievers, including professionals, artists, students, and entrepreneurs, leaving them with a persistent fear of being exposed as fraud.
Contributing Factors: Several factors contribute to the development of Imposter Syndrome. Perfectionism, fear of failure, and comparison to others play a significant role. Additionally, cultural and societal expectations, minority status, and past experiences of criticism or setbacks can intensify feelings of inadequacy. Recognizing these factors is crucial to addressing and overcoming Imposter Syndrome.
Effects on Individuals and Performance: Imposter Syndrome can harm an individual’s mental and emotional well-being. Constant self-doubt and fear of being exposed as fraud can lead to anxiety, stress, burnout, and even depression. Moreover, it hampers performance, as individuals may hold themselves back from pursuing new opportunities or taking on challenging tasks due to the fear of failure or being “found out.”
Strategies to Overcome Imposter Syndrome: Overcoming Imposter Syndrome requires a combination of self-reflection, mindset shifts, and supportive strategies. Here are some practical steps individuals can take to break free from the clutches of self-doubt and embrace their achievements:
- Acknowledge and challenge negative thoughts: Recognize that self-doubt is often irrational and challenge negative beliefs with evidence of your competence and accomplishments.
- Embrace vulnerability and share your experiences: Opening up about your struggles with trusted friends, mentors, or support groups can alleviate feelings of isolation and help you realize that you are not alone in your journey.
- Celebrate successes and cultivate self-compassion: Practice acknowledging and celebrating your achievements, no matter how small they may seem. Cultivate self-compassion by treating yourself with kindness and understanding, just as a close friend would.
- Adjust perfectionistic tendencies: Set realistic goals, focusing on progress rather than flawless outcomes. Embrace the “good enough” concept and understand that mistakes and setbacks are natural parts of the learning process.
- Seek support and mentorship: Surround yourself with a supportive network of mentors, colleagues, or friends who can provide guidance, encouragement, and perspective.
Imposter Syndrome can be a formidable obstacle to success, but it is not insurmountable. By understanding its causes, recognizing its effects, and implementing strategies to combat it, individuals can reclaim their confidence and embrace their accomplishments authentically. Remember, success is not measured by the absence of self-doubt but by the resilience to push forward despite it.
By breaking free from the grips of Imposter Syndrome, individuals can unlock their full potential, pursue their goals with unwavering determination, and create a life filled with genuine success and fulfilment.
How deep does betrayal trauma hurt?
Betrayal trauma is a profound psychological response to the violation of trust and deep emotional bonds by someone close, often leading to devastating consequences for the individual experiencing it. In this blog post, we will delve into betrayal trauma and its effects on emotional well-being and explore effective strategies for healing and moving forward. Let’s embark on a journey to understand and address the complexities of betrayal trauma.
- Defining Betrayal Trauma: Betrayal trauma refers to the emotional and psychological distress experienced when a person’s trust and sense of safety are shattered by someone they deeply rely on or have a close relationship with. It can occur in various contexts, such as intimate partnerships, familial relationships, friendships, or professional settings. The magnitude of betrayal trauma can vary, ranging from breaches of trust to severe forms of deception and betrayal.
- The Impact of Betrayal Trauma on Emotional Well-being: Betrayal trauma can have far-reaching effects on an individual’s emotional well-being. Common reactions include feelings of shock, disbelief, anger, sadness, confusion, and an erosion of self-esteem. It can also lead to symptoms of anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and difficulties in establishing trust with others. The profound impact of betrayal trauma necessitates a comprehensive approach to healing and recovery.
- Strategies for Healing from Betrayal Trauma:
a. Validating emotions: Acknowledging and validating the range of emotions experienced is an essential step in the healing process. This involves allowing oneself to feel and express emotions without judgment or self-blame.
b. Seeking support: Building a support system is crucial for healing from betrayal trauma. Trusted friends, family members, or support groups can provide a safe space for expression, validation, and understanding.
c. Professional guidance: Engaging in therapy with a qualified mental health professional can offer valuable tools and strategies for processing the trauma, addressing associated challenges, and developing coping mechanisms.
d. Self-care practices: Prioritizing self-care activities such as exercise, mindfulness, journaling, and engaging in hobbies can help restore a sense of well-being and provide a healthy outlet for emotional expression.
e. Rebuilding trust: Rebuilding trust, both in oneself and in others, is a gradual process. Setting healthy boundaries, effective communication, and consistent actions from those involved can contribute to restoring trust over time. - The Journey towards Post-Traumatic Growth: While betrayal trauma can be harrowing, it is possible to experience post-traumatic growth. This involves transforming the trauma into an opportunity for personal growth, increased resilience, and a deeper understanding of oneself. Through therapy, self-reflection, and engaging in meaningful activities, individuals can emerge stronger, more self-aware, and capable of forming healthier connections.
Betrayal trauma is a deeply distressing experience that can profoundly impact emotional well-being. However, individuals can embark on a path of recovery and transformation by recognizing the effects of betrayal trauma, seeking support, and engaging in healing practices. Remember, healing takes time, self-compassion, and a commitment to personal growth. Together, let us acknowledge the pain, embrace resilience, and empower ourselves to move forward on the healing journey from betrayal trauma.
Have you been ghosted?
Ghosting is a distressing phenomenon that has become increasingly prevalent in modern relationships. Ghosting refers to the sudden and unexplained disappearance of one person from another’s life, leaving the recipient confused, hurt, and questioning what went wrong.
- Defining Ghosting: Ghosting refers to abruptly and intentionally cutting off all communication with someone, typically without any explanation or warning. It is a form of silent rejection where one party ceases all contact and disappears from the other person’s life, leaving them feeling abandoned and uncertain about what went wrong. Ghosting can occur in various relationship contexts, including romantic partnerships, friendships, and even professional relationships.
- Implications of Ghosting: Ghosting can have significant emotional and psychological implications for the individuals involved. The sudden and unexplained communication withdrawal can lead to feelings of rejection, self-doubt, and low self-esteem. The lack of closure and unanswered questions can cause confusion and make moving on from the relationship challenging. Ghosting can also erode trust and make individuals hesitant to invest in future relationships.
- Reasons Behind Ghosting: While the motivations for ghosting can vary, some common reasons include fear of confrontation, avoidance of difficult conversations, lack of interest or connection, and a desire to avoid hurting the other person’s feelings. Sometimes, individuals may resort to ghosting to assert control or avoid accountability for their actions. However, it’s important to note that ghosting is not an acceptable or healthy way to end a relationship.
- Impact on Mental Well-being: The emotional toll of being ghosted can be significant. The lack of closure and unanswered questions can lead to sadness, anger, and rejection. This can harm mental well-being, causing individuals to question their self-worth and leading to increased anxiety and depression. It is crucial to prioritize self-care, seek support from friends and family, and consider professional help if needed to navigate the emotional aftermath of being ghosted.
- Healthy Communication and Relationship Building: Fostering open and honest communication is paramount to prevent and address ghosting. By expressing needs, boundaries, and expectations early on, individuals can establish a foundation of trust and mutual understanding. It is essential to create a safe space for difficult conversations and to approach relationship issues with empathy and respect. Cultivating healthy communication skills and promoting transparency can contribute to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
But how do you spot if you have been ghosted? What are the ways to deal with ghosting to protect oneself from heartbreak? Let’s explore practical strategies to navigate this distressing dating and relationship phenomenon.
Recognizing the Signs and Symptoms of Ghosting: When you suspect you’re being ghosted, watch out for these common signs and symptoms:
- Sudden and prolonged silence: The person stops responding to messages, calls, or any form of communication without any valid explanation.
- Frequent cancellations: Plans are frequently cancelled at the last minute, with excuses becoming more frequent and less plausible.
- Lack of engagement: The person becomes disinterested and shows reduced enthusiasm in conversations and spending time together.
- Disappearing from social media: They stop interacting on social media platforms or delete their presence altogether.
Coping Strategies for Dealing with Ghosting:
a. Give it time: Allow yourself to process the emotions of being ghosted. Allow yourself to feel hurt, but avoid dwelling on it for an extended period.
b. Seek support: Reach out to trusted friends or family members to share your feelings and gain perspective. Their support can provide comfort and help you gain clarity.
c. Focus on self-care: Engage in activities that bring you joy and boost your self-esteem. Exercise, practice mindfulness, pursue hobbies, and invest time in personal growth.
d. Avoid blame: Refrain from blaming yourself for being ghosted. Remember that ghosting is a reflection of the other person’s behaviour and not a reflection of your worth.
Preventing Heartbreak and Minimizing the Risk of Ghosting:
a. Set clear expectations: Establish open and honest communication from the beginning of a relationship, discussing expectations, boundaries, and the importance of respectful communication.
b. Take it slow: Avoid quickly rushing into an intense emotional connection. Gradually build trust and understanding to reduce the chances of being ghosted.
c. Be observant: Pay attention to the person’s consistency, actions, and communication patterns. Red flags such as evasiveness or a lack of effort may indicate a higher likelihood of ghosting.
d. Trust your instincts: Trust your intuition if something feels off or inconsistent. If the person’s behaviour raises concerns, addressing them early on is essential to avoid future heartbreak.
Ghosting can be a painful and confusing experience, but recognizing the signs, employing coping strategies, and taking preventive measures can protect yourself from unnecessary heartbreak. Remember to prioritize your emotional well-being, focus on self-care, and surround yourself with a supportive network of friends and family. Promoting healthy communication, setting boundaries, and prioritizing self-care are key to creating fulfilling relationships and preventing the emotional turmoil of ghosting. Remember, everyone deserves respect and consideration, even when relationships end.
mindthegapalways 