Category Archives: The Parentslogue

Unravelling Childhood Trauma in an Adult

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Childhood is meant to be a time of innocence and joy, but unfortunately, it becomes a period marked by trauma and pain for many individuals. Childhood trauma can impact a person’s emotional and psychological well-being, shaping their relationships and self-perception. In this blog post, we will delve into the concept of childhood trauma, its potential causes, and ways to identify someone who may have experienced it.

What is Childhood Trauma? Childhood trauma refers to a distressing event or series of events that occur during childhood and profoundly impact a person’s development. These experiences can vary widely and may include physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, neglect, losing a loved one, witnessing domestic violence, or exposure to substance abuse.

The Impact of Childhood Trauma: Childhood trauma can have far-reaching consequences that extend well into adulthood. When a child’s safety and emotional well-being are compromised during their formative years, it can disrupt their ability to form healthy attachments, manage emotions, and build trust in others. As a result, they may develop maladaptive coping mechanisms and struggle with intimacy, vulnerability, and self-worth.

Begging for Love: One of the tell-tale signs of childhood trauma is seeking love and validation from individuals who are emotionally unavailable or incapable of reciprocating genuine affection. Survivors of trauma may unconsciously gravitate towards relationships that mirror their early experiences, hoping to rewrite their past by gaining the love and acceptance they were denied as children.

Genesis of Childhood Trauma: The roots of childhood trauma are often found in dysfunctional family dynamics, adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), and exposure to ongoing stress or adversity. As identified by the CDC-Kaiser Permanente Adverse Childhood Experiences Study, ACEs include physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, neglect, parental substance abuse, mental illness, divorce, or domestic violence.

Spotting Someone with Childhood Trauma: Identifying someone who has experienced childhood trauma can be challenging, as survivors often conceal their pain behind a façade of strength. However, certain signs and behaviours may indicate the presence of unresolved trauma, including:

  1. Avoidance of emotional intimacy or difficulty in forming close relationships.
  2. Hyper-vigilance and a constant sense of danger, even in safe environments.
  3. Low self-esteem and a belief that they are unworthy of love and care.
  4. Frequent outbursts of anger or extreme emotional reactions to minor triggers.
  5. Engaging in self-destructive behaviours, such as substance abuse or self-harm.
  6. Re-experiencing traumatic memories through flashbacks or nightmares.
  7. Difficulty regulating emotions and coping with stress.

Healing and Recovery: Recognizing and acknowledging childhood trauma is the first step towards healing and recovery. Professional help through therapy, counselling, or support groups can provide a safe space for survivors to process their emotions, learn coping strategies, and rebuild their self-esteem.

Childhood trauma casts a long shadow over an individual’s life, shaping their perceptions, behaviours, and relationships. By understanding the genesis of childhood trauma and recognizing the signs, we can offer support and compassion to those who have experienced such hardships. Healing from childhood trauma is a journey that requires patience and understanding. Still, with the right resources and support, survivors can find their path to recovery and ultimately lead fulfilling lives.

The Evolving Roles of Parents in a Child’s Life

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Parenting is a journey filled with love, growth, and learning. As society evolves, so do the roles of parents in their children’s lives. Gone are the days of traditional parental roles; today’s parents embrace new challenges, adapt to changing times, and navigate uncharted territories, all while nurturing lasting bonds with their children. Let’s explore the evolving roles of parents and how they shape the next generation’s lives.

From Guardians to Mentors:

In the past, parents were seen primarily as guardians, responsible for providing safety, discipline, and guidance. However, in the modern era, parents have evolved into mentors. They protect their children and actively participate in their growth and development. Parents now play an integral role in shaping their children’s aspirations and dreams by offering support, encouragement, and wisdom.

Embracing Equality:

With the ongoing movement towards gender equality, parents are breaking away from traditional gender roles. Fathers are more involved in nurturing and caregiving, while mothers pursue careers and personal ambitions. This shift fosters a sense of equality within the family, encouraging children to value diverse perspectives and embrace their unique strengths.

Navigating the Digital Age:

In today’s digital world, parents are faced with new challenges. They take on the role of digital mentors, guiding their children’s safe and responsible use of technology. Balancing screen time, encouraging healthy online habits, and fostering a sense of digital citizenship are crucial aspects of parenting in the 21st century.

Supporting Emotional Well-being:

Parents are increasingly attuned to their children’s emotional needs. They understand the significance of emotional intelligence and mental health, providing a nurturing environment where children can express themselves freely. Open communication and empathy form the foundation of a strong parent-child bond, promoting emotional well-being throughout a child’s lifetime.

Fostering Independence:

Parents learn to balance protection with the need to foster independence as children grow. They encourage their children to explore, make decisions, and learn from experiences. Parents help children develop resilience, adaptability, and problem-solving skills that prepare them for life’s challenges by providing a safe space for growth.

Nurturing Lifelong Learning:

Parents now recognize that learning is not confined to formal education. They embrace the role of lifelong learners themselves and instil a love for learning in their children. By fostering curiosity and a growth mindset, parents empower their children to be adaptable, resourceful, and curious.

Advocating for Inclusivity:

Parents play a crucial role in advocating for inclusivity and acceptance in today’s diverse world. They teach their children to celebrate differences, challenge stereotypes, and be compassionate global citizens. Parents help shape a more inclusive society for future generations by promoting respect and tolerance.

Balancing Work and Family:

As work-life balance becomes a priority, parents find innovative ways to manage their professional and familial responsibilities. They emphasize quality time over quantity, ensuring meaningful interactions and shared experiences that strengthen family bonds.

The roles of parents in a child’s lifetime have evolved significantly. From guardians to mentors, digital mentors to emotional support systems, parents adapt to the changing world while remaining steadfast in their love and commitment. By embracing these evolving roles, parents create nurturing environments that empower their children to thrive, grow, and contribute meaningfully to the world. Parenting is a lifelong journey, and as parents evolve, so does the foundation of love and guidance they provide, shaping future generations.

Dealing with COVID stress is not a child’s play

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Dr Jesal Sheth tells how parents can chip in and help their children bust it.

New Delhi, April 1, 2021: The COVID19 pandemic and subsequent lockdown generated a lot of fear and stress across all age groups. Children usually thrive under predictable conditions, but the pandemic’s disruption greatly impacted them physically and emotionally. Online schooling, social isolation, lack of interactions with their friends, lack of physical sports and parental angst have aggravated their mental and emotional wellbeing. Children and adolscents have developed fear, anxiety, depression, and boredom. While most parents were involved in dealing with the pandemic’s uncertainty and putting all efforts to keep their family safe and sustainable, the emotional needss and mental health of children were somehow ignored.

THE IMPACT OF THE PANDEMIC ON CHILDREN: The pandemic has changed the way children typically grow, learn, play, behave, interact, and manage emotions. Children have been observed to have conduct problems, peer problems, externalizing problems, and general psychological distress. When compared with children who did not exercise, children with psychical activity had lower hyperactivity-inattention and less prosocial behavior problems.

Moreover, from a more emotional perspective, they have a lot going around in their head, and the biggest worry for them is whether or not they will see their friends in school or get sick. The combined effect between lifestyle changes and psychosocial stress caused by home confinement perhaps aggravates children’s behavioural problems.

In the long run, this can lead to an emotional breakdown among children, and the same may lead to these children resisting to return to school post-lockdown. This can happen primarily because children have lost their pre-lockdown routines and the loss of touch with their peers and mentors. In addition to this, the lockdown-related constraints can have a long-term negative effect on their overall psychological wellbeing.

SO, HOW DO WE TACKLE THIS? Here’s how you can help children cope with COVID-related stress;

  • Address fears: Anxiety and emotional depression can be tackled by parents to some extent by addressing fears of children, talking about problems and possible solutions from the child’s perspective.
  • Spend time with grandparents: Children who have grandparents can spend some quality time with them, listen to stories and tell them stories. Talking to them will help.
  • Follow a routine: Parents can maintain some routines even if confined at home. It is always good if parents and children can plan some activities together. Parents should also plan their children’s tasks one at a time, involve them in various home activities, educate them about following hygiene habits and social distancing.
  • Play games: Engage in indoor play and creative activities. In addition to these activities, children can be advised to be involved in household chores and understand their social responsibilities.
  • Organise virtual play dates: To keep them in touch with friends and classmates, plan a virtual party and playdates.
  • Discuss issues: Parents should pay more attention to the emotional wellbeing of the child. Keep emphasizing COVID19 measures like wearing a mask, social distancing, and frequent hand washing, as the pandemic is not over yet. Also, children should be encouraged to socialize with their friends and classmates through digital forums under the parent’s supervision.

(Dr Jesal Sheth is Senior Consultant-Paediatrician, Fortis Hospital, Mulund; Cover image by Tumisu from Pixabay)