A Letter to Love

… Because It Is 22022022

आज तुमसे थोड़ी सी ज्यादा मोहब्बत हो गयी है

मेरे कल वाले इश्क़ से जरा सा अधिक

आने वाले कल की उल्फ़त से थोड़ा कम

Shillpi A Singh

I’m aware that I may not find another soul who gives me all you do. Before you tell me to not close myself off to finding love, this is something that I’ve grown to be okay with. I’m genuinely content now.
I, like many, have been through a lot of heartaches. Because some of us aren’t so lucky when it comes to love, but somehow, just knowing that a part of my soul exists is enough for me to continue in this life because you’ve given me and continue to provide me with the most beautiful moments of pure love and compassion.
You support me in every way I want to be. I don’t want someone who’s overbearing. I don’t want someone who feels the need to be right by my side 24/7. I like missing the other person. I want someone who cares for themselves, takes time out and comes to me when they need me. Someone who understands that it’s just as important to be apart than to be together. Someone who knows what they want in life and surrenders to how they will get there. A soul understands what it is to believe and be human in this world. A conscious soul who can read me like a book and me – them. To the point where I don’t have to say a word, and they know what I’m thinking or feeling. Someone who questions challenges me and understands my mind through and through—a soul who sets fire to my core with one word. Someone who knocks down my walls knows how far to go and when to stop. He who understands when to pick me up. They who acknowledge my complex mind, knowing that they are just as deep.
He who takes my breath away. Someone who is there in a moment … without it having to be labelled. I don’t need the label. I don’t need a relationship or to build a life with someone, as groundbreaking as you and I would be, perhaps we just aren’t able to be that in this life.
The vision of a life with you around is so clear and defined. It’s been replaying in my mind for the past week. It’s so easy to see ‘us’ free in love. Working on projects, listening to music, laughing at stupid shit, crying at the drop of a hat. Even having the slightest of arguments, but coming back to the centre of us and moving forward. Travelling the world. Trying different foods and seeing new sights. Embracing every second this life has to offer. Taking the lows in our stride. Overcoming it alone and yet together. Knowing that we are both two very strong individuals, allowing each other the space to pick ourselves up again, just with the helping hand and companionship of each other rather than always going it alone because that’s what we’re used to.
I’m sorry to say it, but that’s all with you. So what you stop yourself from seeing, I see it too. When you look at it… it’s a thing of gender. Here lies the sad reality. If I were a man, this would be a different story.
The art of letting go, you mastered it. Things happen when we let go. Our universe understands this. You are living, breathing proof that our prayers are heard, and dreams do come true.
“If you’re covering yourself from asking me if I’m in love with you…your answer is yes, I am.”
The grin on your face will be uncontrollable whilst admitting this. Your grin sets my heart alight.
I recently noticed a slight change in your eyes, and I could feel your depth. Knowing that you are the one who makes me smile the way you do resonates with me, just like my favourite song. You give me chills and tingles. All these sensations! Just from your name. Everyone in my house sees how you make me smile too. So much so that they use you when they notice I’m feeling down. I find all of my favourite emotions and memories in you. Childhood memories of books I loved, TV shows, food and family. The feeling of spring in the air, the first time you feel the warm breeze on your skin after a long winter. That’s you after my two years in a dark period. What I would give to be the one that gets to spend this life with you and live out this dream is incomparable to what anyone else will do. You have earned my love.
Regardless, you’re always going to have my love. You have fulfilled me without trying. Just as you are. You make everything seem logical again. Everything flows when you’re around. You give me everything that’s important. I’ve said it from day one. My love for you is and always will be unconditional. You’ve got me until my dying day. I don’t tell you these things to hurt you or upset you. I need you to understand truly. As J-Lo says in her song, “If only you knew what I’ve been going through, waiting and wanting you…” None of what I’ve said here actually puts it into perspective. This is also why I love speaking about it with you face to face.
All in all, I don’t need to be your happiness; I need you to be happy, always.

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